


The morning after.

by Trin



Category: Free!
Genre: Anal Sex, Developing Relationship, M/M, backwards order
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-02-14 08:01:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2184042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trin/pseuds/Trin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru and co. have their usual summer meet up now that they are all moving on and growing up. Things go wrong this time and he finds himself waking up next to his best friend Makoto, completely naked with no recollection of what happened the night before. Future Fic (Haru is the only one that is 20) Slight AU as I began writing this before canon careers were revealed so no HaruMakotokyo, and no Rin in Australia etc<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Pain. It’s the first thing Haruka feels when he wakes up, followed by the urge to throw up and then a stifling heat.

  
_Never drinking again_ is the first thought that crosses his mind as he tries to roll over away from the bright light seeping through his slightly open curtains but for some reason his body won’t budge.  
He forces his eyes open to find the cause of his paralysis; an arm draped over his waist. Shit. In that exact moment the sick feeling in his stomach worsens when he notices he seems to be naked and, as far as he can tell, the other person is too. He squirms just a little hoping to stir his companion but the pain in his head doesn’t seem to be the only problem as it suddenly moves achingly through his hips. He didn’t mean to curse but suffice it to say, the pain was unexpected.

  
The figure behind him moves just a bit but enough for him to pull away and slide out of bed, remaining as silent as possible was his intention but as soon as he stands his legs suddenly give way beneath him and he finds himself on the floor.

  
He clenches his eyes shut tight when the bed behind him creaks under the weight of the strangers’ body. He tries to remain still and quiet when he hears a very quiet groan in an all too familiar voice.

  
_Shit shit shit shit._

  
“Where…huh? Why am I…? Haru...ka?”

  
It’s only when his name is called that his eyes snap open and he remembers he is kneeling, butt-naked, on the floor. Oh. My. God!

  
“Don’t look!” He shouts before he even realises and suddenly his whole body is warm, a blush on his face from embarrassment as his mind races frantically to figure out just what the hell happened last night. The pain in his hips and the fact he woke up in bed naked with his best friend are pretty big indicators the “party” didn’t end when his other friends had left.

  
“Haru, did we-?”

  
“Makoto.” The older boys’ voice was curt as he began to stand on shaky legs, raiding through his bedside cabinet for something to wear. Pulling out a pair of boxers he quickly slipped them on before chancing a glance towards his bed.

  
Makoto had his back to him. He wasn’t looking at him, just like he asked but for some reason looking at his friend’s bare back, something he had seen countless times before only made the blush on his already burning face deepen. He had to get out the room.

  
“I’m going to shower, you stay here until I get back.”

  
He didn’t even wait for a response before he slammed the bedroom door shut behind him.

  
His thoughts are racing as he tries to pin-point some kind of emotion, anything to explain why he isn’t absolutely horrified that he had sex with his best friend, the same best friend he has had since he was a child…he was like family. So why?

  
The only clear thought in his head is shower. Water. That will help, it always does. Not even waiting for the water to heat up completely he steps under the shower head and begins to scrub furiously at his body, his arms, his legs, washing carefully over his hips as it still hurts.

  
Why isn’t it helping?

  
It must have been over 10 minutes before he steps out of the shower, his mind still in a haze, he never even got to truly enjoy the feeling of the water cascading over his body. Water, the one thing that has always helped him did nothing.

  
The only thing that water had done was ease his on-coming hangover, the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach had disappeared but was replaced with a stranger sensation; something unfamiliar and so he made his way to the bathroom sink grabbing a towel on the way and began wrapping it around his waist ignoring the marks on his hips.

  
After grabbing a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt from the laundry basket he finally stepped back in to his bedroom. His friend was sitting up on the edge of the bed, his hands resting on his knees as he stared at the floor. It’s painful. Haru takes a big breath, “Makoto.”

  
His friend visibly flinches at his name, his fingers digging in to his knees as he stares up and looks him in the eyes. Green meets blue and Haru wills himself to not look away when he begins to move towards him, sitting down beside him on the bed.

  
They sit in silence for a moment each trying to figure out what to say, Haru assumes. He thought he had resolved himself but now that he has to actually say something his mind goes blank.

  
“Haru…” _Oh thank god_ , “I don’t remember what happened but it’s not hard to guess” he simply nods, the small bruises along his hips and love bites scattered across his collar bone and neck were just a few of the things to add to the list of physical evidence from their activities the night before.

  
“I don't remember much after Rin left” he adds.

  
Rin had been the first to leave as he usually was when they met up like this for a “catch up” as Nagisa likes to call it. It was also Nagisas idea that they get drink involved in the first place and seeing as Haru was the only one even legal to drink it had been left to him to buy drink for everyone else. Unsure exactly of what to get he guessed beer and vodka couldn't go too wrong, and it hadn't, from what Haru could remember everyone was having a good time but then an old bottle of sake was found and drinking games began. The feeling of sickness returned.

  
“Listen, Haru, what happened last night I-”

  
“It's ok.” Haru says quietly but it's enough to silence Makoto, “There is no point in worrying over it when neither of us really remembers what happened” He finally looks up from the floor towards Makoto who is already looking at him.

  
“Haru”

  
“So why don't we just forget about it?” Makoto slowly nods in response.

  
This is for the best. Why dwell on something that was clearly a mistake, a drunken mistake at that. Things will only become uncomfortable between them if they think about it too much.

  
Makoto left shortly after and decided to just shower at his own house. His good-bye had been a little awkward, quite clearly unsure of what to do he lightly placed his hand on the other boys shoulder and smiled in that way he always does when Haru had seen him to the door, “see you later”, and he was gone.

  
As soon as he left Haru got to cleaning the house, it was already 3pm as they had slept in till nearly 2 that afternoon, so he never got finished cleaning until nearer 7pm. In that time Nagisa had called to ask how his hangover was and in an instant his face became heated again, waking up with a hangover was the least of his worries, waking up beside his best friend naked was his biggest concern still. Nagisa never hinted towards knowing anything that happened which meant nothing had happened until everyone was gone which was good, this would definitely be able to stay between himself and Makoto.

  
Nagisa and Rei had suffered this morning, Rei hadn't been able to eat all day which reminded Haru he too hadn't eaten. When he finished cleaning he went to the kitchen to whip something up.  
It was the most unsatisfying meal he'd had.

 

At about 10pm he'd decided to head for a bath and soak there for what turned out to be nearly an hour and by 11pm he was in bed.

  
Changing the sheets had been a part of his cleaning earlier and so fresh sheets after a long bath was the best remedy if an early night was needed. He had a lot to do tomorrow morning.

  
He lies in bed trying to make sense of last nights encounter. How could this have happened? I don’t like him like that…do I? He tosses and turns, not able to switch his mind off, or not able to get his mind off a certain person should he say.

  
But he’s such a comfort to me and we do spend a lot of time together. That doesn’t really make it better does it? His lips were so soft…  
STOP IT! STOP IT! STOPIT!

  
He couldn’t seriously be thinking about this. It’s his best friend for crying out loud! But his hands did feel really warm and soft as they touched him. He couldn’t remember much, but small parts were coming back to him, like how good his hand felt wrapped around him, it felt so good, he can almost still feel it now.

  
_Why am I touching myself?!? Oh god I need to sleep now, forget it all!_

  
Finally after such a restless night he drifts off, and to not too pleasant thoughts.

* * *

 

  
By 4pm the next day Haruka had already went shopping, gone to the library, tidied again, somehow managed to fit in a quick trip to the local pool and now stood outside the restaurant he and his friends were supposed to meet at. He had arrived early but 4pm was the meeting time; they should all be here soon.

  
“Ah! Haru-chan!” he looked up from his phone to see Nagisa suddenly pick up his pace to a small jog to reach his side quicker, Rei followed closely behind and so he greeted them with a slight nod.“Have you been here long? Where's Rin-chan and Mako-chan?”

  
“Not too long, 5 minutes maybe” that was a lie, he'd been here since 3:45pm but he knew Nagisa would feel bad if he admitted to that.  
“I don't know, I guess they'll be here soo-”

  
“Are we late?” they all looked towards Rin who appeared beside them wearing that smirk that suits him all too well, with Sousuke and Makoto on either side of him. “We bumped in to this idiot on the way” he joked while jabbing Makoto in the ribs.

  
“haha Rin that hurt” Makoto put on a forced pout making his other friends laugh, Haru could only stare, He had seen Makoto yesterday morning but it felt longer. Makoto must have noticed him staring because he suddenly looked and forced a smile like he usually does when he’s nervous, this time the forced smile hurt Haru and he couldn't quite figure out why.

  
“Well, we're all here now so should we head in?”

  
It didn't take long for them to settle at their table, food had been ordered and so all they could do now was chat. Haru sat closest to the window across from Makoto who sat beside Sousuke and Rin who was at this point already deep in conversation with Nagisa and Rei who sat across from him. Occasionally Makoto would try and input a little into the conversation between the four but after a while his attention would drift to Haru who only watched on at the conversation, showing very little interest.

  
Thinking it would be good for them to talk a bit Makoto was the first to speak up, “Did you do much today then?”

  
The other boy was pulled out of whatever thoughts he was having and looked straight across to Makoto who looked on smiling, but it was different, it still wasn't his usual smile, “I just got some shopping done. Decided to go to the library too and picked up some books for when everyone leaves again and you go back to university”

  
Makoto just laughed “They only got back and you're already preparing for their departure and I'm not at uni every day, you know that.”

  
“True.” Nagisa and Rei were hesitant to move but thought it was best as Rei wanted to go to Tokyo for University. They had gotten close over High School so Nagisa decided rather than either of them staying alone for too long away from everyone else they should just room together so they had been gone for a year, only coming back on holidays. Rin had always been further away but he was still training really hard in hopes of achieving his dreams, so although not as far away he only visited a little more often than the other two. And Makoto, he'd decided to stay here instead and just travel to University. Sometimes he would stay with a friend while there and not come back for a few days at a time but it wasn't as drastic a change as with the others. Haru couldn't kid himself, he had gotten very lonely the past 2 years but he just supposed it was a part of growing up.

  
Right now Haru was an apprentice chef in a small local restaurant while also working at Iwatobi Swim club, holding lessons and helping train younger children who wanted to take swimming seriously. It wasn’t anything fancy but he enjoyed it. It allowed him the freedom to swim when he liked while also providing him with a little extra money on top of his paycheck from the restaurant.

  
“Well, we are all together for a few weeks so let’s make the most of it”

  
Ah, there it was, his usual smile. Makoto really was just his usual self, so it seems that their discussion to forget what happened really was the best idea. Haruka couldn't help but smile back.  
He hadn't completely thought over his next words but they escaped before he even realised, “I was scared you weren't going to look at me the same way again”

  
However as soon as the words left his mouth, Makotos expression changed as his own smile fell from his face replaced by a subtle blush that only worsened as he looked away and out the window. What? What just happened? Why did I say that? So much for not bringing it up again.

  
_Oh god I’m screwed, now he won’t look at me. Shit._

  
He sat quietly trying to think of something witty to say, to bring the conversation back up to a level of sanity, before he completely lost his. What to do, what to say? Can I make this any worse?

  
He was suddenly aware of everything. Every breath, every furrow of his brow, even the slight twitch of his fingers against the table.

  
“Ma…” he tries to speak, to say anything to get his attention without making the situation anymore terrible than it already is.

  
Come on just say something!

  
“Makoto”

  
He didn't mean to say his name but apparently any kind of filter was missing, he couldn't get his thoughts together and he almost did until Makoto finally turned to meet his gaze and that took any rational thoughts he may have had and disposed of them in an instant. Haru began to slowly slide his hand along the table towards Makotos. He wanted to feel them again, he wanted to remember exactly how it felt to have those hands run along his body, his fingers digging so hard into his hips that the marks were still visible a day later. _I want-_

  
“Mako-chan!”

  
Both Makoto and Haru turned to look at the other three

“Yes, Nagisa?” and again that fake smile returned as he tried to laugh off any kind of awkwardness.

“Tell Haru-chan to buy us more drink!”

  
“No.” Haru responded this time.

  
“Aw come on Haru-chan! It was loads of fun last time and you're the only one old enough to buy it”

  
Makoto shot Haru a nervous glance that did not go unnoticed by the other boy, “No.” he repeated again. “Do you want Rei to get sick again?”

  
“You were sick?!” Rin shouted across the table at him, if there was any attempt at concealing laughter it was failing, “I knew I could drink you under the table”

  
This isn't going to end well, if Rin were to get any ideas. If he started begging Haru for drink it would be hard to say no for much longer. Nagisa was bad enough but if Rin started he knew there would be some kind of challenge involved and Haru sure as hell wasn't going to turn something like that down.

  
“Nagisa that's enough.” Makoto had spoke up just as Rin turned towards him, that competitive fire in his eyes.

  
“Mako-chan is no fun” and amazingly the topic was dropped.

  
For the rest of the evening Haru joined in on any conversation going but constantly he would find himself watching Makoto. Alot. He guessed it was to be expected, it was the first time they had seen each other since the incident but he couldn't take his mind off it and one question stuck in his mind; What was it like?

  
And this is the question that had kept him awake most of last night and this was the same question that had him on his feet and on his way to the toilet before shooting one last look at Makoto.  
The last thing he heard before stepping in to the toilets was Makotos shaky voice, “I'll go check if everything is ok”.

* * *

  
“Haru.” Makoto was at his side in moments. Haru stood at the sinks lazily washing his hands. “Haru, what's wrong?”

  
He was met with silence, Haru suddenly stepped away from the sinks and turned to look at the toilet cubicles. Makoto opened his mouth to once again ask what was wrong when a firm grip pulled his wrist, dragging him into the nearest cubicle. It was a bit of a fumble but eventually they were both inside with Makoto pressed firmly against the door, Haru’s hands wrapped around his wrists holding him in place.

 

“So annoying.”

  
“Haru?”

  
“I said this is annoying. I know what I said yesterday but aren't you annoyed too?”

  
“What is there to be annoyed about?”

  
Haru looked up at that. What was there to be annoyed about? Did he just...am I the only one feeling like this? He would rather not force anything but actions have always spoken louder than anything he could say and a grown man or not he sure as hell wasn't going to say anything.

  
And so he kissed him. It was a short kiss, just barely touching but he hoped it was enough to get his message across. Pulling away he searched Makotos eyes for something, anything that would tell him this was ok.

  
There was nothing but shock.

  
“H-Haru, wait what are y-” he silenced him with another kiss, deepening it this time as his hands moved to Makotos shirt, pulling him towards him.

  
To Harus surprise Makoto kissed back, his hands resting softly on his hips, a gentle reminder of where they had been 2 nights before, right where the bruises still remained.

  
Harus hands slid up from Makotos shirt to his hair, pulling him further into him. Makoto lightly tugged at Harus bottom lip with his teeth and it was like he had forgotten to breathe. Makoto pulled away with a sigh.

  
“We aren’t drunk this time, so what’s our excuse?”

  
Haru wasn’t sure anymore. But there had only been one thought that had ran through his head constantly since last night.

  
_I want you._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t like this. I don’t like not knowing what you’re thinking. You’re confusing me Haru. You tell me to completely forget about what happened, to not mention it yet here we are, on our way to your house to what, fuck?"

It’s left to Makoto to tell their friends he and Haru are leaving because Haru “feels sick”

“But we haven’t even had desert” Nagisa is the first to protest while Rin tuts. Rei tries his best to calm Nagisa down and the only one showing concern for Haru.

“I hope he feels better soon, please keep us updated” Makoto nods and apologises one last time before grabbing Haru’s jacket with his own, dumping money on the table and walking as quickly as possible to Haru, who is standing outside leaning against the wall.

“So?”

“Nobody seemed suspicious. I just told them you were sick. We really should have just waited till everyone else was leaving”

Haru pushes himself from the wall and starts to walk away from Makoto, “No because I know fine well we’d be stuck there most the night and I’d rather go now before we change our…” he stops, glancing back at Makoto who is a foots length behind him, “never mind”

“Are you changing your mind?”

“I never said that”

Haru is met with silence, Makoto just continues to walk beside him in this silence until it becomes too much.

This time Makoto grabs him by the wrist pulling him in to a small alley, holding his shoulders and pushing him back until he gently meets the wall behind him. Haru doesn’t even say a word.

He leans in until Haru can feel his breath against his face, his eyes searching for something, regret, hope, it’s too intense but he can’t look away. When Makoto speaks it’s barely above a whisper, “I don’t like this. I don’t like not knowing what you’re thinking. You’re confusing me Haru. You tell me to completely forget about what happened, to not mention it yet here we are, on our way to your house to what, fuck? How is that forgetting about it?” His grip on Haru’s shoulders tightens a little but not enough for it to be painful.

“You kissed me back.”

“You kissed me in the first place!” he shouts it louder than he anticipated, pulling back just a bit, one hand falling from Haru’s shoulder to run it through his hair taking a deep breath before he continues, “I don’t understand”

Haru isn’t sure what to say to him, not sure how to explain that he wants to sleep with his best friend again to at least know what it felt like. It’s not a good enough reason and even he knows it but it’s the only one he’s got. “It was my first time and I don’t remember it. That’s not really how I wanted my first time to go, surely you wouldn’t either?” Honesty was the best policy and all that.

“Oh”

_Oh?  It shouldn_ _’t have been that surprising. What the hell does “oh” mean!_

Makoto steps back completely, even though it’s already beginning to get dark the blush on his face is clearly visible, “I never thought of that, I’m sorry”

“Don’t be” and Haru is back on the move, walking past Makoto before stopping to turn towards him, “are we going?”

Not another word was spoken until they got to Haru’s house.

* * *

 

“I’ll shower first” Haru says as he slips his shoes off and then heads down the hall to the bathroom. Makoto is left standing in the door way.

Probably the quickest shower Haru has ever taken, but within 5 minutes he’s already re-dressed and standing at the doorway of the kitchen watching Makoto attempt to make tea. “The bathroom is free”. And Makoto jumps, actually jumps and Haru can’t help but smile a little walking towards him and taking the cup out of his hands, “if you want tea I’ll make it”

“No that… It’s fine I was just trying to distract myself. I’ll go shower now.”

“Makoto.” The other boy stopped in his tracks and turned to look back at Haru, “We don’t have to do this.”

“I know that, it’s just starting to feel like some kind of business arrangement. This is why it’s confusing”

Haru tilted his head to the side, he hadn’t thought of it that way. “So what would you rather do? Do you want to pretend this is our first time and we’re teenagers again experimenting? Do we act like this is natural for us and pretend this is one of many times before?” he hadn’t realised he’d walked towards Makoto but already found himself only a few inches away from him, “or do we just completely forget about it? Do we forget that we ever touched? Ever kissed?”

 “There you go, saying to forget it again.” He smiled but Haru could see a hint of sadness in his green eyes, moving forward the rest of the way he tiptoed a little until their lips met. The kiss had started out softly and Haru could feel Makoto smile against his mouth before he laughed when pulling away. “So we’re not forgetting then” this time Makoto initiated the kiss, his hands resting on the small of Haru’s back pulling the smaller man towards him.

For Haru this wasn’t enough, he began pushing Makoto back, no real plan in mind but he wanted to be closer.  Makoto found it hard to keep his footing, breaking away from the kiss as Haru gripped his back tightly, moving his lips down to nip softly on his throat, “Haru wait, Haru I’m-” Makoto let out a yelp as he stumbled landing flat on his back. Haru had managed to stop from completely landing on Makoto, both hands lay flat at either side of his head.

“Sorry”

Makoto burst in to laughter and Haru couldn’t help but smile too “You ok?” Haru nodded in reply before mumbling another small apology, “It’s ok don’t worry, well should we…Haru?” Haru had decided instead to lean down until their lips were just inches apart, he could feel Makoto’s breath quicken against his lips and so he took advantage of their current position. He kissed him again.

 Haru was kneeling slightly, one leg between Makoto’s thighs and the other resting against his hip and so when Makoto decided to sit up keeping their lips together, the sudden pressure against his crotch from Makoto’s thigh sent a shiver down his spine, enough for him to pull away cursing quietly under his breath.

Makoto was never a big fan of bad language but hearing Haru say something like that at a time like this made him smirk in a way Haru had never seen before. So he moved again, bending his knee a bit as his hand moved down Haru’s body stopping to grip his thigh urging Haru back against his leg. Another curse word and Haru’s head fell forward against Makoto’s shoulder as he picked up a slow rhythm, rubbing his crotch against Makoto’s thigh, feeling himself harden against him. It was Makoto’s name that slipped from his lips this time before turning his head to nip at the other boys throat.

The next sound came from Makoto, one that went straight to Haru’s cock, a low guttural moan when Haru bit down a little bit harder than before moving against his thigh faster now.  When Makoto whispered his name right in Haru’s ear, licking at his earlobe and biting softly any sort of steady pace was thrown off completely as his movements became more hurried. His grip had moved from Makoto’s back to his shoulders as he pulled back to just to lean forward again in a messy kiss; all tongue and moans as Makoto enjoyed the friction from Haru’s knee against him.

Haru was close, he was already close and they hadn’t even done anything. Breaking away from the kiss he tried to string his words together but all that came out was Makoto’s name, “I…Makoto I’m-”

“I know, Haru co-” he would have came right there if it hadn’t been for the sudden loud ringing coming from Makoto’s cellphone, especially when it vibrates against any kind of hard surface. Haru stopped dead in his tracks, the fright from Makoto’s phone going off stopping any kind of oncoming release as they instead sat in the same position staring at one another trying to get their breathing under control!

The phone eventually stopped ringing only to start less than 10 seconds later, figuring it was some kind of emergency Haru stood up and away from Makoto as he crawled over to the table to grab his phone and answered it, “Hello?”, Haru could hear Nagisa’s booming voice from the other end and he sighed.

“Helloooo, Mako-chan? Are you still with Haru-chan? Is he feeling any better?”

“Nagisa, it’s only been just over half an hour since we left.”

Nagisa giggled, “I know but well you never know, hey listen Rin-chan is saying he can get us in to a nightclub a few miles away. If you’re free you should come, and if Haru is feeling better bring him too”

Haru clicked his fingers grabbing Makoto’s attention. Already knowing what he was asking Makoto just shook his head in reply, “I can’t, Haru really isn’t doing too good. I would rather stay with him and make sure he’s ok. But listen you guys go and have a good time ok? Don’t get too drunk.”

Another loud giggle before Nagisa said good-bye with an obvious pout on his face, and another apology from Makoto and they both hung up.

An awkward silence filled the room as both couldn’t make eye contact. Why they couldn’t make eye contact now was beyond Haru but what had just happened felt strange to even him. Not a bad strange per say but he didn’t realise just how into it he would get. How both of them would. Or how amazing it would feel, that was the most surprising thing of all.

“I guess I should go take that shower” Makoto stood slowly on slightly shaky legs, his pants still tented as he tried to make his way for the doorway before Haru got to it before him, blocking his path. “Haru?”

He still wasn’t looking him in the eyes but instead moving his gaze down his body settling on his crotch which caused Makoto to back away and attempt to cover himself babbling about how it was ‘embarrassing’ Haru wasn’t quite listening, “forget your shower” and then he turned on his heel making his way upstairs not bothering to wait for Makoto to respond.

* * *

 

Haru sat on his bed for about 5 minutes before his bedroom door was pushed open and Makoto stepped inside and towards him, every step he took was cautious as if Haru were afraid of making any sudden movements and scaring him off!. _Why was he getting nervous now?_

And so they found themselves in the same place they had been yesterday morning, sitting side by side on Haru’s bed not daring to look at each other. Makoto made the first move, sliding his hand towards Haru’s, their hands met gently, softly intertwining, shaking fingers. Both just stare at their joined hands before finally looking into each others eyes. They hold each others gaze for what feels like forever before Makoto releases Haru’s hand, sliding his own hand up his arm, barely grazing it and finally resting on his shoulder, his fingers silently brushing his neck, into his hair.

Haru’s breath leaves him, unthinkingly he relaxes in to Makoto’s hand, his eyes close as he reaches out his hand to rest on Makoto‘s thigh, squeezing it gently in appreciation.  He hears Makoto sigh as the bed shifts slightly and their knees touch encouraging Haru to slide his hand up his thigh ever so slightly making Makoto move closer to him. He takes a deep breath before opening his eyes again, Makoto gaze was intense, he’d never seen him like this before but he looked _good_.

Makoto tilted his head a little to the side, questioning him, asking him if this was still really ok. Haru’s expression softens, it’s slight but the change was his answer and so with one hand still entangled in Haru’s hair Makoto pulls him close enough so that their lips just barely touch. Their breath quickens and that heat between them spreads down their chests and this time Makoto closed his eyes, their foreheads resting against one another as  he tries to compose himself. This was really happening.

“Makoto” Haru said his name so quietly, barely above a whisper as he closed that small space between them.

It was as if the phone had never rang, as if that awkwardness after the phone call never happened, because now it was Haru being pushed down. Makoto hooked an arm under Haru’s knee pulling his leg up to settle himself between Haru’s legs pushing his own hips down to ensure their erections met just right and they both moaned into the kiss. Makoto moved his lips from Haru’s leaving small kisses across his jaw, down his throat, licking at his collar bone before biting down. Hard.

“A-ah Makoto!” One hand pushed down on Haru’s hip keeping them still as he continued to grind down against him as his other slipped under his top running up the side of his chest and when he just grazed his nipple Haru let out a sound he’d never heard himself make before but that sound only came out louder because suddenly Makoto was _squeezing_ it with finger and thumb.

The other hand on Haru’s hip moved to take his shirt off but he was too busy arching in to that touch before being dragged from his pleasure by a small giggle above him, “sensitive” and then he was embarrassed uttering a quiet ‘shut up’ which only caused Makoto to laugh more.

He was back on him in seconds, back in to kiss him, his hand working on Haru’s other nipple feeling it harden under his touch. Makoto continued to tease his nipples, continued to grind their hips together until he felt a small tug at his shirt realising Haru wanted it off. Sitting back he pulled the shirt over his head, watching as Haru does the same before reaching down with shaking hands to his belt buckle.

“Ah, no let me do that” Makoto nearly whined as his own shaking hands batted Haru’s away making quick work of his belt. He slid his fingers in the waist band of Haru’s pants and, surprisingly, his boxers. He laughed a little when he realised that maybe Haru’s habit of wearing his jammers underneath his clothing seemed to have stopped. Or maybe tonight was just a rare occasion. The smile dropped from his face in a heartbeat as he revealed more skin and his eyes caught sight of the red marks that were in stark contrast to Haru’s pale skin. They certainly didn’t belong there.

“Makoto?”

Makoto’s eyes snapup and he pulls his hands back just as fast and he looked… upset? Haru sat up making Makoto lean back even more and simply raising his brow in question. “Those marks…that was me wasn’t it?” Oh. Right. He forgot about those.

“It doesn’t hurt if you’re wondering. It was worse yesterday. They’ve faded surprisingly fast”

“You’re calm about this.”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I just said they don’t hurt” Haru’s voice lowered as he stretched a hand forward, flicking at Makoto’s erection through his pants, “but this certainly seems like it will”

And Makoto blushed, red to the ears before leaning forward for another kiss gently pushing Haru back down on to the bed and going straight back to his pants, pulling them down with a little help from Haru as he lifted his hips.

After removing Haru’s pants he is then confronted by his erection. Makoto seems to stare longer than expected, after looking his fill his eyes meet Haru’s for a brief moment before he begins slowly kissing his way down his chest. Starting with gently feathering kisses over his nipples, making them harden, moving lower over his tight stomach, feeling it quiver beneath his lips, all the while his hands massage the insides of his thighs. As he reaches the apex of his thighs he looks at Haru one last time, waiting to see if he will stop him perhaps? When Haru seems to give him a longing look he takes that as his okay, grabbing the base of his cock with one hand and gently placing a kiss on the tip.

Haru groans loudly and arches his back while Makoto kicks it up a notch, slowly sliding his mouth over and down the length of his cock. Haru cries out even louder this time, gripping the sheets on the bed with both hands. Makoto smiles a little to himself and begins working his cock with his mouth, making Haru squirm beneath him, now covering his face with his arms. Faster and faster until Haru grabs Makoto’s head in his hands and pulls him off letting his cock pop free. He Tries to speak through his panting , Makoto stares at him until he finally gets the words out.

“The-there’s lubricant in the top drawer” he spoke quickly pointing in the direction of his bed side cabinet before covering his face again with his arms, he could hear as Makoto searched through the drawer making a little ‘ah’ sound when he finally found it “I don’t have any condoms or anything tho-“

“It’s fine I keep one in my wallet” and he was up off the bed in a second rummaging through his pants pocket to find his wallet, quickly returning back to the bed with the small plastic wrapper in his hand. Haru didn’t even want to know why he just kept a condom in his wallet but he guessed it was convenient at times like these.

He kept his eyes shut firmly and felt the bed shift under Makoto’s weight as the air around him grew warmer “Haru…look at me, please.” He was close, he could feel his breath across his face as he spoke in such a small voice, “I want to see your face”, Haru swallowed hard before letting his arms fall from his face and opened his eyes to look up at Makoto who could only smile at him. “We can stop you know.”

“No. I don’t want to stop.” 

Makoto laughed slightly, that warm smile on his face calming him down, “Yeah, I know” and for the briefest of moments their lips touched before Makoto moved back, pulling Haru’s legs up until his calf rested against Makoto’s things and his feet just behind his back. It took a moment before he realised he was completely exposed; naked with his legs wide open while his friend reached out to grab the bottle of lube returning his gaze back to Haru. “You’re blushing”

And that of course only made him blush more, “sh-shut up” he couldn’t even look at him after that but he heard Makoto laugh a little.

“It’s cute” and he leaned forward then, pressing his lips to Haru’s stomach sending a shiver all through his body. He trailed kisses from his belly button and along his hips taking longer to kiss at every mark he’d left the first time before continuing down his thigh working inwards.

Haru’s breath caught in his throat, as he watched Makoto get painfully close to his erection and then pulling away. He still had the small bottle of lube in his hands quickly popping the top open and pouring just enough onto his fingers then throwing it away. He shifts slightly making Haru’s legs open wider as he reaches down to rub a finger against his entrance.  His other hand running up his thigh now as he rubs small circles on Haru’s hip with his thumb, “You ok?”, Haru only nodded in response. “It’ll hurt at first, I’m sorry”

“Don’t apologise before we’ve even done anything”

“Yeah I’m sor-“ all it took was a glare and Makoto laughed again, “I got it I got it. Ok I’m just gonna” slowly he pushes one finger inside. “Don’t hold your breath and don’t be so tense”

Easier said than done but he tried, as he breathed out Makoto hooked his finger inside rubbing against him. It felt weird, it felt uncomfortable, but it didn’t feel _bad._

When Makoto felt Haru had gotten used to the one finger he slipped a second one in, quickly looking up to Haru to gauge his reaction. Haru’s mouth hung open and he looked down at him with hooded eyes, was he feeling good?

“How is it?” Haru responded with a small grunt because honestly it wasn’t as painful as he was expecting it to be, it still just felt a little intrusive but it was getting better.  “Mm good, you’re doing really good” and with that he pushed his fingers in deeper curling them round trying to feel for a spot he _knew_ felt good. 

“Makoto it feels wei-ah!” found it. Makoto rubbed against that spot once more revelling in the new sounds Haru was making, his back arching from the bed as his mouth hung open; a small trail of saliva dripping from the side, “good, it’s good it’s… there.”

Makoto pulls his fingers out nearly all the way, hissing from the tightness as Haru winced in pain again while he clenched around his fingers, “Yeah, here?” and with that he pushed back in harder than before, hitting against that spot directly with every thrust.

“Oh god” Haru began easing around his fingers as Makoto scissored them inside him, curling round to once again hit that spot. He was doing well, Makoto was glad.

He leaned down on to him for a kiss, fingers still inside him when he had the gall to ask “You still want this?” Haru shot him another glare before Makoto hit that spot again and again fucking him with his fingers.

“Yes, yes. Makoto I’m gonna-eh? no wait, don’t!” Haru moved to fist his fingers in Makoto’s hair when he’d took Haru’s cock in his mouth, taking in as much as he could, head bobbing up and down on his length sucking as he pulled his mouth off with a quiet ‘pop’. And then Haru completely unravelled beneath him, shuddering as Makoto continued thrusting into him through his orgasm.

He shouted something but he wasn’t sure what, could have been nothing but gibberish which was most likely, and as his climax ripped through him he was sure he heard Makoto say ‘beautiful’ in his white haze.

Haru lay completely spent on the bed trying to catch his breath and struggling to even open his eyes but when he felt something rub at his stomach he managed to open one, looking down at Makoto wiping his stomach clean. Makoto caught his gaze, smiling up at him, “felt good?”

“mm” was all he could manage.

“That’s good.” He smiled again before a darkness appeared in his eyes, his smile becoming more of a smirk as he eased in closer, “Hey…you want to continue?” Makoto moved towards Haru’s neck leaving a small trail of kisses to his clavicle where he licked and sucked at the skin with his lips, not hard enough to leave a lasting mark but hard enough to make Haru moan beneath him.

Haru hadn’t expected Makoto to be like this, to get so in to it but then again he understood. He understood because he too felt it was strange but he was too turned on to even care. He knew he wanted to keep going, to _please_ Makoto and that’s why he pulled at Makoto’s hair, brought their lips together in a messy kiss and bucked his hips upwards so their bare cocks touched and he could feel as Makoto shivered in to the kiss.

That was his answer and Makoto knew it which was why he slipped his hand between them taking a firm grip of Haru’s already half hard cock and began stroking him lazily, slowly, thumbing at the tip and tightening his hold on him as his pace quickened while Haru hardened in his hand.

Makoto pulled away from the kiss and began searching around the bed to find the condom he was sure he’d gotten from his wallet, he was about to get up and check his wallet again when he heard the quiet familiar sound of foil between someone’s fingers. Haru had found it and now stared at it innocently before shooting the other boy an inquisitive look, Makoto reached out to take it from him about to tell Haru he would do it himself but then Haru pulled it away from him.

“You want to do it?” he nodded in reply, determination in his eyes as he sat up forcing Makoto to sit back on his knees, “Ah wait the…” and then he was searching around the bed again looking for the small bottle of lube he’d carelessly thrown away earlier, finding it when he reached behind him, waving it in front of his face with a nervous laugh.

And then Haru’s hand was on his cock stroking him, _big_ was the first thought that came to mind, _hot_ was the next and then there were nerves because that was going inside him. He brought his hand back, and ripped the wrapper open and taking the condom out. Makoto took a hold of Haru’s wrist, guiding his hand to his cock, his other hand helping him to roll the condom down his length suddenly feeling nervous under Haru’s gaze on him.

Haru then took it upon himself to lie back, hand splayed across his stomach itching to touch himself while Makoto picked up the lube again squirting it onto his fingers and over his cock and then he reached down to Haru’s entrance, pushing 2 fingers in again experimentally, making sure he was ready. He let out a long breath, moving closer to Haru and settling himself between his legs pushing the head of his cock against Haru’s ass.

“This’ll hurt at first…”

“Yeah”

And again Makoto was nervous, although they had already had sex they were completely aware of it this time and he felt like a school kid who didn’t just have his fingers in his best friends ass as he watched him come over himself.

“Fuck” Haru looked up at him just when Makoto decided to push himself in and his breath caught in his throat, coming out as a choked cry when Makoto pushed himself in deeper gritting his teeth because Haru was _tight_ and though Haru wanted to keep looking, to watch on at Makoto’s face as it changed from one of discomfort to pleasure, he was forced to look away as pain racked through him, turning his head to the side because it was hot, it was intrusive and it hurt.

One hand gripped at the sheets while the other reached up to grab at Makoto, to grab anywhere and when his nails scraped down Makoto’s arm he regretted it immediately because his hips bucked forward and any slow rhythm was completely thrown off because he was inside him to the hilt, Haru’s backside resting against his thighs.

“Ah!” Haru threw his head back, his eyes screwed shut as he hoped he would adjust but then Makoto moved just a bit inside of him and he was kissing him again, his hand running through Haru’s hair trying to soothe him, to comfort him and it took all of Haru’s will to kiss him back.

Makoto didn’t move again and instead continued to kiss him, moving from his lips across his chin and when he began kissing at his ear he continually whispered to him, ‘ _breathe_ ’ kiss, ‘ _you_ _’re doing  so well, it_ _’s ok_ _’_

It was working, what were quick shallow breaths from Haru slowly became more relaxed; quieter, and he started kissing him back with more passion. The hand that was full of his bed sheet loosened and was in Makoto’s hair, deepening their kiss.

They lay like that for only a short while before Makoto pulled away from the kiss, running his hands down the length of Haru’s arms, taking both hands in his and easing them down on the bed by his head, “I’m going to start moving, ok?”

Haru nodded and so Makoto slowly pulled out and the other immediately tensed and tightened around him, he hissed, “Haru…relax” another nod and he pushes back in as slowly as he pulled back.

They continued this slow and painful pace until Haru’s sounds gradually changed, his pitch getting higher, moans louder and he even tried to raise his hips at times to meet Makoto’s.

When Makoto hit that spot inside of him his hands shot out in front of him, clawing at Makoto’s arms, across his back and then he was pulling him in to another kiss. Each time Makoto hit that same spot Haru relaxed more, back arching from the bed to feel more, he wanted more. And so Makoto picked up speed, pulling out almost completely and slamming back in crying out when Haru dug his nails in _again._

Haru didn’t even care that this was going to leave a mark, didn’t care that he was begging for more, _harder_ , _faster_ , calling out to Makoto every time he hit that spot because it felt so damn _good._ The room was hot and heavy, his ears couldn’t pick up on one particular thing, the sound of skin against skin, Makoto panting and saying his name, Haru calling out his name, everything mixed together and burned at his chest, pooled in his stomach and it was getting too much.

“Makoto! Makoto I can’t- I need ah!” He threw his head back again, mouth hanging open when Makoto began fisting his cock in time with his thrusts.

“You going to come Haru? Are you going to come for me?”  that was enough to push him over the edge and he came with a loud cry of Makoto’s name, his release spilling between them and over their chests. “H-Haruk-ah!” when Makoto came he held his voice back, letting little grunts slip from his lips, thrusting in a few more times, riding out his own orgasm.

Haru was the first to catch his breath and watched as Makoto hung his head, breath hitching in his throat as his breathing steadied. After a few moments he pulled out, causing Haru to wince in pain again and then suddenly feel empty. It was a strange sensation but even that passed by quickly enough.

Makoto slid the condom off, tied it in a knot before throwing it in the bin. He reached over to grab tissues from the box by Haru’s bed and got to cleaning them again.

“You should shower and…” he trailed off when he threw the tissues in the bin to join the used condom, Haru looked up at him raising an eyebrow in question, waiting for Makoto to finish what he was going to say, “and I should get home”

_Home?_ Haru could barely move and Makoto was willing to leave, go home and shower? He rolled over, grabbing the sheets and pulling them over himself, “just stay. You’ve done it before so don’t try and make it out like that’s odd” Haru looked back at him over his shoulder, sighed and shuffled in towards the wall to make room for Makoto to lie down too. “Just shower in the morning, I don’t want to move.”

“It’s dirty”

“Don’t care it will clean and so will you, just hurry up and lie down, I’m tired.”

Makoto couldn’t help but smile and so he quickly jumped up out of bed and grabbed his boxers slipping them on before getting back in to bed beside Haru.

“Good night, Haru.”

“Night.”

They both fell asleep in minutes.

* * *

 

This was the second morning Haru woke up naked in bed with his best friend. Not drunk this time and not of his own accord. A phone was ringing, Makoto’s phone to be exact and it had woken them both up. When Haru opened his eyes it wasn’t the sunlight creeping through his curtains that was the first thing he saw instead it was Makoto’s ‘slowly waking up from being disturbed from sleep’ face, mere inches from his own.

Haru was suddenly very aware of their current position, him still naked, leg draped over Makoto’s as he lay on his back with his arm under Haru’s head. Haru quickly sat up pushing at Makoto’s shoulder to wake him up completely now, “Makoto, your phone is ringing.”

“Mmm? My phone?” Makoto didn’t seem fazed in the slightest and casually moved his arm to stretch both out in front of him, “yeah yeah I’ll get it”, he sat up and pushed himself out of bed walking towards his pants to get his phone out.

Haru sat with his back to the wall, resting his head against it realising that, once again, he had slept with his best friend. On purpose this time.

That was it though, he reminded himself, things would go back to normal after this…right?

“Nagisa? Yeah sorry I didn’t hear my phone ringing. Haru? Yeah he’s feeling better, I stayed the night to make sure he was ok. What? Today?!” Makoto was panicking Haru noticed, what the hell was Nagisa saying? Makoto laughed before continuing, “Ok, ok no I get it. I’ll tell Haru. Yeah. Yeah, see you soon, bye!”

“What was that about?”

“Nagisa, he said that we’re off to the city today, we’ve to be ready for 12. I completely forgot about that.”

_Shit_ , so did Haru. He forgot it was Monday, and they had planned on going in to the city for a few days. “I better get a bag packed.”

“Yeah, me too. It’s only 10 we still have plenty of time to shower and pack if we start now so I’m going to go.” By this point Makoto had already started putting his clothes on from last night and stopping when he glanced back up at Haru who still sat naked in bed.

Makoto opened his mouth to speak, to say something of last night when it quite clearly, as far as Haru could tell, hit him that they really had done that but Haru spoke up first, “we shouldn’t talk about it…about what happened last night. We agreed to that much before, didn’t we?”

“But…” Haru could see he wanted to say more but he stopped himself looking at him with near empty eyes, “no, no you’re right. A onetime thing.”

“Exactly.”

“A reminder of what happened.”

“Yeah.”

“And now we go back to normal.”

“That is what we do.”

Makoto stood awkwardly in front of Haru’s bed before forcing a smile and turning to leave. Haru was quick on his feet, blanket wrapped around his body as he walked Makoto to the door again. It was only good manners to say bye to guests properly, maybe not the best of manners when you are completely naked apart from a blanket but it was better than nothing.

And again Makoto turned to him, going to say something and stopped instead settling on a goodbye and then he was gone.

Haru stood at the door and realised that this was quite possibly only the beginning of the biggest mistake he’d ever made.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, so I never added notes to the first chapter because this whole thing confused me but allow me to give some quick details on this story. It is of course a future-fic, now AU as their canon career paths have been shown in the series but see it more of a canon divergence as same world etc.  
> This fic is actually co-written with my sister who you can find on tumblr @candylovevix  
> I hope for this fic to be no more than about 10 chapters if not shorter and apologies for the really long time to update, some issues arose and I wasn't able to write the chapter how I wanted until now so hopefully future chapters will be updated more regularly.  
> Anyway until next time!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It didn’t take him long to get to his feet tip-toeing towards Makoto’s bed mentally cursing himself because he was seriously going to try and ask if he could sleep with Makoto. He was a 20 year old man and he was going to ask his best friend if they could sleep together because he couldn’t sleep on his own.

One more thing that had become tradition when Haru met with his friends like this was that they would spend as much time as possible together in the 2 weeks they all set aside and took off work before coming back home.

Rin knew people, Rin always knew people if truth were to be told, and so he had the best connections for things like hotels and this time was no exception. He had somehow managed to get them a deal on a few nights at a rather expensive hotel in the centre of the city for all 6 of them to enjoy.

So after Nagisa’s phone call in the morning telling them to be ready by noon Haru had been left on his own to pack while Makoto went back home to get his own bags. Their goodbye had been awkward to say the least, not as awkward as the last time but still weird enough to cause concern. No touching at all but he could see that Makoto had something he really wanted to say but they had both agreed that this was it. It would go back to normal after this, a one time thing, _just a refresher_. Haru scoffed out loud at his own stupid thought before continuing to pack his bag, stuffing 2 more pairs of socks into the zipper at the side, happy that he was finally finished.

It was still only just after 11:30am so Haru thought now was a good time to relax before what would no doubt be a busy next few days. He was just about to get a drink when he heard his phone vibrate from the table, most likely a text. When he picked up his phone it was a text from Makoto

_‘Hey, Nagisa said to just meet them at the station so if you_ _’re ready you should make your way down and we can leave._ _’_

With a sigh Haru stuffed his phone in his pocket, grabbed his bag and headed out the house, quickly locking up and making his way to Makoto’s. Rounding the corner to the stairs he stopped dead in his tracks, _Ah…this was nostalgic._

Makoto stood at the bottom of the stairs fixing his hair, clearly not noticing Haru until he must have sensed he was being watched because he stopped what he was doing and turned to look up at Haru who still stood at the top of the stairs.

What was only mere seconds felt more like time had frozen. Neither moved or uttered a word. Awkwardness began to set in. Haru felt like someone should at least say something or _do s_ omething, it had been a while and Haru suddenly felt _lonely,_ he’d missed this. And then Makoto smiled and something tugged at his chest forcing him to look away before jogging down the stairs until they were side by side.

“You got ready quickly”, Makoto stated and Haru simply nodded in reply as he continued walking, waiting for Makoto to catch up to him once he’d picked his bags up.

Neither of them spoke for the majority of the walk, small talk passed between them, until Makoto opened his big mouth and brought up last night, “how’s your body?” Haru flinched and stopped walking; shooting a glare back at Makoto who obviously hadn’t realised what he’d asked until it left his mouth.  “Sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine. I’m fine” Makoto couldn’t even look at him after that but Haru kept staring. Something was bothering Makoto and Haru was not going to let him keep it from him “What aren’t you telling me?” That seemed to catch Makoto off guard because then he was looking back at him with an overly apologetic expression, “Makoto, what’s wrong?”

And he looked away _again_. Haru felt defeated, in truth he wanted to keep pressing him to get something from him but he figured he wasn’t going to get an answer that way and so he gave up reluctantly with a sigh and turned away continuing on his way, listening as Makoto also began walking shortly after him. The rest of the walk was in silence.

* * *

 

When they arrived at the station the train was already there and so they picked up the pace into a slight jog, noticing Nagisa and Rei standing outside looking out for them. The train always waited about 5 minutes at this stop before continuing on its journey so it must have been there for a while because after exchanging pleasantries and putting their bags in the overhead storage the train doors closed.

“We were worried you weren’t going to make it on time. We would have gotten off and waited for the next one though.” Nagisa was overly excited, beaming up at Haru as he sat beside him. Rei sat across from him next to Makoto who was, as always, apologising on both their behalf for nearly missing the train. “Ah!” Nagisa was suddenly rummaging through his bag pulling out a few bits of paper and laying them out on the table in front of him, “There are a few places we need to go to. A new restaurant opened that has a club in the basement, Rin-chan told me about it and said he can get us in” _Of course he can_.

Haru spotted a poster for a sports centre and reached over to pick it up at the exact same moment Makoto did which led to an awkward hand touching moment and Makoto literally pulled his hand away in a split second and he laughed, _oh._ “Sorry Haru, I just thought that is something you would have been interested in so…” _So you pulled your hand away the second they touched mine because?_

And again all they did was stare at each other, well a glare was the better description of what Haru was giving Makoto right now, the tension inside him was beginning to build to an almost unbearable level, he couldn’t stop his mind from wandering to places he knew he shouldn’t be going, what was the point in torturing himself? Thankfully Nagisa chimed in slicing the tension building between them with just his voice “Yeah! Rin-chan thought that would be a good idea; he goes there quite a lot he said so we should all go. Been a while since we swam together.”

“Yeah” and for the first time this morning Haru smiled relaxing into his seat for the rest of the trip.

* * *

 

Once off the train all 4 boys jumped in a taxi to the hotel where Rin and Sousuke were waiting for them. It was big, very big and expensive looking. Rin had reassured them all that it was fine it was his idea and he would foot the bill. He was the only one that could get this offer anyway. _Of course he was._

They had been split in to 3 pairs, Rei and Nagisa sharing a room, Rin and Sousuke and Makoto and Haru, each having their own room. They had all agreed to meet back in the lobby in an hour once they’d finished unpacking and settling in to go out for something to eat together.

The room was spacious, 2 double beds, a tv on top of a chest of drawers and 2 leather seats. It was nice. Haru immediately claimed the bed closest to the window, setting his bag down before crawling on top, laying flat on his stomach watching Makoto shrug his jacket off and sit back on his own bed.

Makoto still didn’t quite look himself and it was unsettling for Haru, he guessed this wasn’t going to be as easy as he hoped. And so, with as confident a voice as he could muster he took the chance to at least ask him about it again“So…do you want to talk about it?”

“Hm? About what?” Makoto asked in an almost childlike tone. He was trying to come off as innocent, as if he wasn’t acting different; he was an idiot if he thought Haru would fall for it.

He sat up staring across at Makoto who seemed to shrink in on himself when Haru stared him down, “You, about you. You’re acting different. What’s wrong?”

Makoto did actually answer him but it was barely above a whisper, a slight mumble and if Haru weren’t staring at him he wouldn’t have thought he’d said anything at all but he noticed his lips move and considering how quiet it had become between them he heard a slight sound. You wouldn’t have heard anything if you weren’t waiting for it. He pushed him further, urging him to speak up and this time he was loud enough to hear, “I feel bad about what happened…about what we did.”

He felt _bad_? This was surprising so he asked what was probably a stupid question,  but if Makoto would treat him like an idiot he would do the same, “Why?”

“Because your first time is supposed to be something special. It’s supposed to be with someone you love and care about and it’s not supposed to be done when you’re drunk and can’t even remember it!” Makoto had sounded panicked but at least now he was loud enough.

Haru honestly didn’t know what to say, Makoto was breathing heavily and suddenly got up on his feet pacing back and forth from his bed to the tv. This was starting to make Haru nervous too now…Is this why Makoto was upset? Did Makoto want his first time to be with someone he loved and not just on a drunken night in with his best friend?

“I’m sorry…I guess you would have wanted it to be with someone else and not me” This made Makoto stop. Something flashed quickly across his eyes. _Guilt?_

“You weren’t…that wasn’t…” he bit his lip to stop from saying more but now he had to, he had to continue and Haru wouldn’t let him end this conversation here. Makoto sighed, ran his hand through his hair and sat back down on the bed, he spoke calmly as if he were just talking about the weather; “You weren’t my first. That wasn’t the first time I had sex.”

And for a moment Haru stopped breathing. That had definitely not been what he had expected to hear, “Oh”. Why had he never told him anything? Did Makoto have a girlfriend? A boyfriend that Haru didn’t know about? Did Makoto… “Wait, you didn’t cheat did you?”

“No no, god no. My first time it was…it wasn’t with anyone I was dating it just kind of happened.”

“You can tell me, I’m your best friend you know” And the look of guilt returned to Makoto’s face. Honestly, even though he wouldn’t admit it, Haru was upset. He was upset that his best friend hadn’t told him something like this. Surely this was the kind of thing best friends shared.

“It wasn’t only once” he started and released yet another sigh before continuing, “It was with my friend in the city, it started off as some fun and simple curiosity and after a while it became a bit of a habit I guess. We got a bit drunk one night, we were feeling lonely and so we slept together. And then when I would go visit it would just kind of happen.”

His friend.  Makoto had never really spoke about him, always made sure to change the subject if he were ever brought up and now Haru knew why. “Are you still…?”

Makoto shook his head and stood up from the bed, “Don’t worry about it, we stopped doing that now.  I think there’s some guy in his class he’s interested in” he laughed but Haru felt it was forced, “Anyway I’m going to grab a quick shower before we leave.”

Haru didn’t want the conversation to end but it was difficult to continue a conversation like that through the bathroom door and so he dropped it for now and decided to unpack some of his stuff.  Haru felt deflated in a sense. How could Makoto not have mentioned this to him? Was he not important enough? No, that couldn’t be it. He shook off the negative thoughts and continued unpacking.

When Makoto had gotten out the shower Haru took one too, his thoughts still running because _Makoto had already had sex and hadn_ _’t told him._ Despite them having done something that brought them closer than best friends should be, he’d never before felt such a distance between them.

* * *

 

After they all went out for dinner they had returned to the hotel pretty late. Makoto went straight to bed when they got in which was understandable considering it had been a long day of travelling but there was still more Haru wanted to say and that he needed to hear. When they had got back to their room Haru thought it was the perfect time to talk more, he opened his mouth to speak but before he even had the chance Makoto had smiled at him stealing the words from him and talked about how tired he was with an over exaggerated yawn heading to the bathroom to get changed for bed.

That was why Haru still lay awake at nearly 3 am staring at the ceiling and listening to Makoto’s slow breathing in the bed next to him. He wasn’t even being loud, but just hearing him was making it difficult to sleep and every time Haru turned to look over at him there was a weight in his chest, a heaviness that quickly turned to heat and he had to look away again.

And so he lay there, running through the past few days and trying to sort it all out. Ok so he had slept with his best friend when drunk, touched himself to the thought of said best friend, propositioned him, slept with him again, and then said to completely forget about it all.

However he was the one unable to forget, it had only been a day he had to remind himself, it wouldn’t be easy to forget. Only now he had the memory, he could remember every touch and the way Makoto changed during the whole thing. It wasn’t a bad change, but the way Makoto had said his name still played over and over in his head, like a song you heard as a child and yet every word is burned to memory and just thinking of Makoto brought those lyrics back to him.

Yeah, no wonder his thoughts were keeping him up at night. Last night had been the first night he’d slept well and even then Makoto had been there, had slipped his arm under his head and cradled Haru close to him at some point during the night…or had Haru been the one to cuddle in to him?

 He felt a blush spread across his cheeks silently reminding himself it didn’t matter really, that was the end of it. He rolled over and pulled the blanket up over his shoulders and pulled his knees up towards his chest. And again, the weight in his chest pushed against him almost making it hard to breathe when he looked across at Makoto who was facing him, deep in sleep. _It didn_ _’t matter._

* * *

 

“-ru.” Hm? Was someone speaking? “Haru” yeah…someone was speaking, Makoto was speaking and then he was touching him? It woke Haru up with a fright when that warmth was gripping at his shoulders shaking him slightly, making him sit upright shooting a glare at Makoto who quickly backed away from him.

“I’m up” he groaned and Makoto laughed

“You never were much of a morning person”

“Shut up” he tried to sound as angry as possible but Makoto continued laughing. He could have swore he heard Makoto say ‘cute’ but then again he was just up so it was probably just his imagination.

Haru glanced over to the clock on the bedside table and noticed it was only 8:30. 4 hours sleep, that was all he had managed to get. Makoto was in his own little world, already dressed and putting his swim wear in a backpack completely unaware that he was the reason Haru had only managed to get that amount of sleep. Wait…swimming, they were going swimming today and the thought of that quickly brightened Haru’s mood.

In seconds he was up on his feet and heading to the bathroom for a shower.

By 9am both he and Makoto stood in the hotel lobby waiting for everyone else. Haru was looking around and waiting for the others to hurry up, his impatience getting the better of him as he let out a loud sigh and then he heard Makoto laugh again. “What?” he asked in the most offended voice he could manage.

Makoto simply shook his head smiling down at Haru, “It’s nothing. Forgot how excited you get over swimming”

“I’m not excited”

Another laugh, ok so maybe he was excited but this was the first time in months that all of them would get to swim together again so really he thought his excitement was warranted. He looked away, a blush beginning to appear on his face and this was the second time this morning he’d told Makoto to shut up.

He never noticed as Makoto leaned in closer to him, bringing his hand up to the back of Haru’s neck, two fingers slipping down the back of his top just a little bit before his other hand moved to his collar flattening it down. _Oh._

“Not excited you say and yet you couldn’t even take the time to fix your collar or tuck the label in to the back of your shirt” Makoto’s voice was quiet when he spoke, his hand lingered at the back of Haru’s neck, and if Haru wasn’t blushing before he was definitely blushing now. The way Makoto’s hands felt in his hair gave him goose bumps, soft and light; just barely touching but it felt like _too much._

When Haru turned to look at him he noticed that Makoto wasn’t even aware of what he was doing because he didn’t seem affected in the slightest, when their eyes met he smiled at Haru in that way he always did. In that way that only recently made that weight in his chest heavier, made the tightness move from his chest to his throat, twisting on its way up removing his ability to speak. Makoto had no idea, and that only made it worse.

He continued to play with a few strands of Haru’s hair between his fingers when he started to talk about University a bit. Such a normal conversation but there was absolutely nothing normal about the way Makoto was touching him so casually, nothing normal about the way it affected Haru. Haru was going to say something but then he heard Nagisa’s booming voice getting closer, followed by Rin laughing.

He hadn’t realised that Makoto’s hand was no longer there anymore until Makoto was waving at their friends coming up the hall towards them. It took a moment for him to realise because the heat from Makoto’s hand still remained, unthinkingly he moved his own hand to where Makoto’s was and lightly touched the skin. Haru’s eyes slid shut and focused on the sensation that still remained where his friends hand just was. This was bad, this was very very bad.

* * *

 

Swimming hadn’t lasted long enough as far as Haru was concerned. They had gotten to the sports centre near 11am after breakfast and didn’t leave until nearly 5pm but it still didn’t feel like enough. The water had eased his mind a bit and allowed him to think more but then it tired him out too, that added in with lack of sleep meant he lost in a race to Rin who was quick to make jabs at Haru, playfully of course but he knew on a good day he never would have lost.

He hadn’t given much thought to his situation with Makoto until it came to the end of the day and Makoto stood, hand out stretched, ready to help Haru out of the pool. He was hesitant but Makoto was being Makoto and it eased his worries a little so he took his hand, holding it that little bit longer than necessary completely forgetting their friends were still standing around them.

This was the first time Haru realised just how the world seemed to quiet around them when this happened and as if he got a shock he pulled his hand away in an instant, watching Makoto’s expression change  to one of hurt before his usual smile quickly replaced it. _This is bad_.

\--

It had been Rin’s idea to go to a restaurant he loved that was pretty close by and they had got there for after 5pm. The usual conversations passed around but Haru wasn’t really paying much attention because as the night went on the more tired he became. It was becoming difficult to focus.

Makoto took notice and mentioned to the others that they should probably be heading back soon because it had been a long day, everyone reluctantly agreed to head back to the hotel and Haru was extremely grateful making sure to whisper a quiet ' _thank you_ ' to Makoto as they left the restaurant.

After dinner they had got back to the hotel at nearly 9pm and Haru was already yawning, his lack of sleep clearly catching up with him so as soon as he got back to the room he quickly got ready for bed hoping to fall asleep straight away. That wasn’t going to happen.

And again, he lay in bed at 2am this time tossing and turning trying to stop _thinking._ He quickly sat up and looked across to Makoto who was sleeping soundly as always. Obviously nothing was bothering him and the thought tugged at Haru’s stomach because he was still the only one thinking like this.

Haru noticed that Makoto looked peaceful even when he slept; he didn’t sleep with a weird expression but just looked content. His breathing was always a little heavier but he didn’t snore which Haru was happy for. _He looked warm, comfy_ …Haru shook his head because he was not about to do what his mind was telling him to, he was not just going to walk towards Makoto and get in to bed with him even if the thought was very tempting.

It didn’t take him long to get to his feet tip-toeing towards Makoto’s bed mentally cursing himself because he was seriously going to try and ask if he could sleep with Makoto. He was a 20 year old man and he was going to ask his best friend if they could sleep together because he couldn’t sleep on his own.  With a sigh he whispered Makoto’s name, maybe he wouldn’t hear him and he could just go back to his own bed and pretend this never happened but oh no Makoto heard him. Luck was not on his side. Or was it?

“Haru?” his voice was rough, sleepiness making it crack at the end of Haru’s name. He shouldn’t have woke him, he was about to apologise and go back to his own bed when Makoto shuffled back in the bed and pulled the covers back patting the space beside him.

That was all it took for Haru to give in and crawl into bed beside him. Makoto waited until Haru was comfy and settled before speaking again, “Couldn’t sleep?”

“…Mm” he chanced a look at Makoto who only smiled at him before pulling the covers over them, “I didn’t sleep well last night” he continued and moved in closer to Makoto. This was a mistake and he knew it. This wasn’t what best friends did, not at his age and he shouldn’t be encouraging it but when Makoto also moved closer, placing a hand on Haru’s hip and humming quietly in reply letting his eyes slide shut, he didn’t care.

Somehow that weight in his chest was easing and instead spreading like wild fire through him to the tips of his fingers as he reached out to pull at the front of Makoto’s top. The heat wasn’t like the kind you feel on a clammy summer’s night that you can’t escape from; it was like sitting in your home as the snow falls thick and heavy outside, sitting in a comfortable warmth that covers you completely and makes you feel safe.

Right now Makoto was home and he didn’t want to step out into the snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again :) Sorry for such a long update again but with me being busy and then my co-writer (@candylovevix.tumblr) also being busy it's a bit difficult to get the time to go over it all but tonight we managed after I had this chapter sitting on my comp done for the past couple of days. Hopefully the next chapter should be out next week...hopefully being the key word lol anyway hope you are enjoying reading it and thanks for putting up with me as I experiment a bit more with my writing which I know is not perfect but yeah. Till next time!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto sighed before speaking. “Haru… What is this? I…I mean…what are we?”

This was the third day in a row that Haru hadn’t been able to wake up of his own accord and it was becoming increasingly annoying. This time it was the sound of someone knocking on the door repeatedly and if he had to take a guess he would say it was Nagisa. He struggled to open his eyes and after several groans and mental complaints he was greeted with a head full of olive brown hair. It took him a moment to take in the position he was currently in. He lay in the centre of Makoto’s bed, one arm draped over Makoto’s waist and the other, rather uncomfortably, wedged under his head and Makoto lay, still sleeping, facing away from him while Haru’s body curved in to him.      

So this time he was the one cuddling into Makoto…they were spooning and he was, unfortunately, the big spoon.  Any attempt to sit up was thwarted because Makoto was _still_ sleeping. Haru would be the first to admit he was not a morning person but at least he actually woke up in the morning, Makoto could sleep through World War 3 and then have the cheek to ask if he missed anything. He was going to have to wake up because now Nagisa was getting more impatient, what were quiet knocks were now becoming louder bangs which then lead to him calling out to them.

Haru shook Makoto’s shoulder, nothing. Tapped him on the back, still nothing. “Makoto!” oh that got him because suddenly he was sitting up holding his chest and trying to catch his breath.

“Haru-chan! Mako-chaaaan!” Makoto turned to Haru then, eyes wide and also clocking in to the fact that Haru was still in his bed and they had been cuddling, again. But then he was on his feet heading to their door because Nagisa just would not shut up.

“Nagisa, quiet please” was what he greeted their friend with as he barged his way into their room, Haru sat with his legs crossed still in bed watching Nagisa basically skip past him to the window.

“Your room is bigger than ours…no fun.” Nagisa pouted and then made for the bed Haru was sitting in and nestled himself beside him.

“Why are you here?” Haru asked and Nagisa whined as he rolled away and nearly off the bed but then he sat back up again in an instant, obviously remembering his reason for being here.

“Rin-chan is taking us to that restaurant club thing I told you about on the way here. He says we can go tonight so today we’ve to take it easy because we will no doubt be out late and last night you were ‘weak and had to go back early’”, Haru shot him a glare and Nagisa raised his hands in defense, “His words not mine. Anyway I was thinking we could go shopping for some clothes or something for tonight if you guys are up for it?”

Haru looked to Makoto who stood leaning against the wall, arms folded across his chest and Makoto looked to him at the same time. Nagisa looked back and forth between them trying to figure out what they were saying like he always did whenever they had silent conversations like this, after a few moments both Haru and Makoto turned back to Nagisa who looked at them expectantly, “Fine…we’ll come shopping” was Haru’s reply and Nagisa’s whole face lit up as he pounced towards Haru, wrapping his arms around his neck babbling about how happy he was because _‘Haru-chan was going to come shopping_ _’._

* * *

Haru hadn’t actually planned on buying anything when shopping, instead he went to keep Nagisa happy but he’d bought an entire outfit for tonight. One he was now staring at in the mirror questioning because he wasn’t really sure if it was working on him; a light blue shirt with black collar tucked in to dark grey skinny jeans and black dress shoes, pointed at the toe. It was too dressy.

“It’s not too dressy, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Haru dragged his eyes from the mirror to Makoto who was sitting at the end of the bed putting his own shoes on, they were similar to Haru’s in style but his shoes had white panels to go with his white shirt.

Haru looked back to the mirror to give himself another long look, “You’re sure?”

Makoto laughed, “Yes, I’m sure. Now hurry up or they will complain if we’re any later.”

They weren’t the last ones there, surprisingly; first in the lobby were Rin and Sousuke. Relief washed over Haru when he took in their outfits, both were also in shirts and smart pants, he didn’t feel as dressy now.

They headed into the restaurant to get something to eat before hitting the club. The restaurant was nice, to say the least. A warm and cozy atmosphere, red velvet seating in each booth, couples and small groups talking quietly as they enjoy their meals, definitely seemed like a nice place to enjoy some dinner.

They were escorted to their booth where they all ordered cocktails, each a different variety of cocktail but all with the intention of giving them a slight buzz before they really hit the alcohol.

They each order their meals with excitement while enjoying some jokes and light conversation. Haru found himself sneaking a quick look at Makoto as he quietly ate his dinner, a quick look that suddenly became a longing look as he realised he was basically admiring Makoto. Admiring his eyes, his lips, the way his eyebrows slanted down when he laughed a genuine laugh. Speaking of his laugh, since when did it cause an aching pressure in his chest? Why had it taken him this long to truly listen to it and _feel_ it.

He could hear a voice in his head but he ignored it, there were more important things in front of him. Wait a second, that’s not a voice in his head.

“Oi Haru, I was asking how your meal is and you have been staring into space for eternity!” Rin groaned.

“Uh yeah its great thanks, and I wasn’t staring.” He answered quickly getting back to his food.

That was almost awkward. They continued their dinner and chat until it was finally time to go down to the club. They head down a long flight of stairs to the entrance to the club. Rin knows the bouncer of the club which gains them easy access inside. They immediately make their way to the bar and order drinks while Haru tries his best to drown out the worst of the noise. Best way to drown it out? To drink of course.  He isn’t sure how many vodka’s he’d gone through or how many shots he downed each time Rin puts one down in front of him before he realises he’s completely alone. Where did everyone else go? How much time had actually passed?

It was noisy, and hot and far too many people pushing against him was making him extremely annoyed and so, with drink in hand, he made his way to a corner that no one was standing in hoping to get away from the worst of it all.

First course of action from his new safe haven was to find his friends, he scanned the room and the first 2 he spotted were Nagisa and Rei. He held back a laugh as he watched on at Nagisa dancing with a very enthusiastic Rei, he was trying to dance but it wasn’t working out for him too much but he put that down to the drink. Rei had a pretty low tolerance for alcohol and was already showing signs that he was drunk. Nagisa wasn’t as drunk, yet, but he was getting there.  His eyes scanned the room more and landed on Rin and Sousuke who were standing at the bar very deep in conversation, occasionally laughing when Rin would lightly punch him on the chest or cover his face when he laughed too much.

He felt he was watching on at something private, almost intimate even in such a crowded place so he looked away, thinking his eyes would stumble on his best friend. After searching around for a few moments he realised he couldn’t find Makoto. He thought Makoto would have been with either pair but he was nowhere to be seen, Haru stood up from the wall he was leaning against now worrying, scanning the whole room hoping to find him. He was big enough he wasn’t that hard to miss, he wouldn’t be heard but it didn’t stop Makotos name slipping from his mouth pathetically, did he leave?

And then there was a familiar warmth on his lower back as he turned to his left, looking up in to piercing green eyes and a gentle smile, _Makoto_. The breath he was holding escaped in to a sigh when he smiled back at him.

“I couldn’t find you”, Makoto had to shout over the music

I couldn’t find _you_ was what Haru wanted to say back but instead he stood up straight, putting his hand on Makotos shoulder as he leaned in closer to his ear, “It was getting too busy, this was the quietest part of the club. Just had to get away for a bit”, he hated shouting but even that close he guessed Makoto still wouldn’t have heard him too well over the noise. He pulled away and got a short nod in response from Makoto who took a big mouthful of his beer, finishing it off in one gulp before putting the now empty bottle on the small table next to him. Haru quickly followed suit downing what was left of his vodka putting his glass next to Makotos.

“You want another vodka? I’ll get it” Haru nodded and shouted out to him that he’d keep their place. Makoto gave him a quick wave as he got lost in the sea of people.

As soon as Makoto was no longer visible that pressure on his chest hit him like a tonne of bricks and it unsettled him. It wasn’t the drink, he knew that much because he could handle his drink better than that but it worked its way down to the pit of his stomach and an uneasiness spread through him to the tips of his fingers as he ran them through his hair trying to shake the feeling off. Something was going to happen.

 It took Makoto nearly 10 minutes but he emerged with 4 glasses in his hands, 2 in each and sat them down on the table. 2 of these certainly weren’t vodka, Makoto laughed before giving an explanation, “Jaegerbomb. It’s jaeger and redbull, you shot it. Try it out. We’ll do it together ok?”

Haru picked one of the glasses up examining the dark liquid in the shot glass which bobbed about in the other drink. Makoto clinked their glasses together and put the glass to his lips waiting for Haru to do the same. Nervously he put his lips on the rim of the glass, taking a quick sniff before shutting his eyes and throwing his head back, taking the whole drink in one.

It wasn’t bad but definitely wasn’t as good as vodka and orange which he had to take a rather large drink of to wash the bad taste left from the jaeger out of his mouth. “Not bad right? Whenever I drink with my friend in the city he usually makes these”, ah…the friend in the city. The first person Makoto slept with, he talks about him so casually that something in the back of Harus mind wonders just how close they still are. He says it didn’t mean anything. That it was just casual…maybe it was if he can talk about it so easily. He never seems upset about it but he does still stay there sometimes so what if-“Haru?” he had been completely lost in his own thoughts he never noticed Makoto leaning down right by his ear, a shiver ran down his spine when Makoto continued speaking, “You feeling ok?” _why was he so close, why did it feel like he was whispering_ , his hot breath against his ear only made him blush and the grip on his glass tighten.

He uttered a small yes but Makoto somehow heard it, he pulled away smiling down at him again and Harus eyes followed after his. Makoto’s smile changed; his expression suddenly serious as Haru watched him, felt that heaviness bubbling up from his throat and sticking there.  His tongue darted out to lick at his lips before he took his bottom lip between his teeth, biting down gently and then he tried to speak, to say something but words wouldn’t come out. 

Makoto tilted his head to the side a bit not wanting to look away and then he began moving, leaning in closer to Haru who found himself doing the same.  Haru closed his eyes instinctively when he felt Makotos lips against his own releasing a small moan when Makoto moved to deepen the kiss slipping his tongue in to Harus mouth. And then Haru could taste him, taste the beer and feel that heat that only Makoto had given him, it spread from his lips to his chest and then his hips when he felt the warmth again from Makotos hands, pulling him closer.

It was a short kiss but enough to take his breath away for a second and then he was very aware of where they were. Their friends were here and the two of them were just, quite publicly, shoving their tongues down each other’s throat.

Makoto did not seem to care in the slightest but Haru did a quick scan of the room making sure no one had seen them and sighed in relief because not a soul was looking in their direction at all. He had picked a very good spot. When he looked back at Makoto he was already moving in for another kiss and reaching out to take the drink from Harus hand not even looking at where he was putting it while he backed him against the wall completely and all Haru could see, feel, smell and taste was Makoto.

His whole body was enveloped by him and it was good. Maybe it was the drink, maybe it was just the atmosphere, but whatever it was he wanted more. It was like he was drowning, as if the water had filled his lungs and it felt heavy, pressing against him and Makoto was his life support easing that pressure and freeing him.  He _needed_ this. 

When Makoto pulled away to catch his breath Haru took the chance to touch him, to feel him. Both hands moved down his chest to his stomach, drifting apart to grip at his hips, his eyes following his hands the whole way down, Makoto moved his hands from Haru’s waist to either side of his head as he too watched every move the other boy was making. Haru pulled at his hips, pulled them closer to his own hoping for more and what he got forced a moan from the back of his throat.

This was a terrible idea.

“H-Haru wait not here” _oh shit_ , that’s right they were still very much in public. “We should stop, I’ll get hard. I can’t exactly explain that too well to the others sorry, I’m sorry I-”

His last apology was swallowed by a short kiss, just a peck before Haru pushed him away with a nod, “I get it, I understand…let’s go back to the hotel.”

Makoto’s eyes widened in surprise and Haru began to wonder if this was a good idea. If doing this again, continuing what was only supposed to be a onetime thing was smart. But then Makoto smiled and just like last night that tightness, that weight on his chest lessened and he returned Makoto’s smile.

“I’ll tell the others we’re leaving.”

* * *

The hotel room door hadn’t even shut before Makoto was back on him, pushing his coat off his shoulders, backing him up until Haru felt the back of his legs touch the chest of drawers. Haru pulled away with a moan, sighing when Makoto made a move for his neck and down his collar bone before warm hands slipped under his shirt, settling on his hips.

Makoto was being extremely impatient but it sent shivers through Haru when he felt warm lips on his neck, across his jaw and then they were kissing again.

Makoto broke the kiss, breath heavy as he pressed his forehead to Haru’s. They stood like that for a moment, eyes locked, their heavy breathing the only sound filling their ears and again everything was Makoto. Every sense was overtaken by him but Haru still wanted more and so with shaky hands he made for the front of Makoto’s shirt, unbuttoning it at a painfully slow pace never once taking his eyes off Makoto’s.

Makoto stared back into Haru’s eyes as he unbuttoned his shirt, his hands shaking more with each button making him unable to the get a button to cooperate with him, Makoto then decided to take over and leaned in closer to feather light kisses across Haru’s cheeks and jawbone.

Finally ridding himself of his shirt, Makoto removed Haru’s shirt with confidence, throwing it across the room, desperate to feel skin on skin. They moved to lie side by side on the bed, pulling at each other’s hips to get closer to one another while still keeping their lips to each others in a heated kiss.  Makoto ran his hands down  Haru’s chest making Haru shiver in anticipation, making him pull Makoto in closer before taking the lead and rolling Makoto onto his back to straddle him.

“H-Haru?” It was definitely the drink now, a surge of adrenaline coursed through him as he moved his way down Makoto’s chest slowly, leaving small kisses in his wake, getting lower and lower until reaching the button on his pants. He hesitated for a moment, but one quick glance up at Makoto, wide eyed and panting, spread heat through his body, settling in the pit of his stomach.

He continued and after releasing the first few buttons he began to lower his pants, freeing his hard length to his gaze, his hands. He carefully took it in his hands, slowly and hesitantly rubbing up and down, sneaking another look at Makoto, only to see him clenching the sheets and his head thrown back.

Giving Haru a boost of confidence he leaned down and gently kissed the tip, his tongue slipping past his lips to give a small lick wincing a bit at the taste of pre-cum already dripping from Makoto’s cock. The sound Makoto made was rough, almost a grunt, and Haru immediately stopped. Did he not like it?

He was about to look up at him, to ask if he should stop but then he felt a warm hand run through his hair and down his cheek, fingers resting on his chin tilting his face up.

“Haru, you don’t have to do this…”

“I know” but I _want_ to was his immediate thought but he stopped it before it had the chance to leave his lips and so Haru lay there between Makoto’s legs, his cock still firmly in his grasp stroking him lazily. He gave another experimental lick at the head of Makoto’s cock ignoring the bitter taste as best as possible before becoming a little braver.

He slipped the tip of Makoto’s cock between his lips and in to his mouth, a gentle suck and he pulled back, staring at it almost offensively.

“H-Haru really you do-Ah!” He took Makoto in to his mouth again, more this time, cheeks hollowed as he sucked harder than before. “Haru, please, that’s enough. If you don’t like it you should stop” Makoto’s voice was shaky as were the hands he gripped in Haru’s hair in a feeble attempt to pull him off. Haru wasn’t hearing it, Makoto had done this to him and it felt good so it was the least he could do.

He tried to remember the way Makoto had done it before so he decided to try and take more in to his mouth. It was becoming a bit more difficult now but he pulled back just slightly, licking the underside of Makoto’s cock as he did. Makoto was suspiciously quiet, only little sounds fell from his lips and his hands had stopped trying to pull Haru away now and instead were _guiding_ him. He must have been doing something right.

Haru kept up a steady rhythm, head bobbing up and down the length of Makoto’s cock, one hand gripped at Makoto’s hip while his other stroked what his mouth couldn’t quite take in, he wasn’t going to push himself too far. But then he felt like he needed air, so with a slick ‘pop’ he pulled away, his eyes immediately searching for Makoto’s. 

His mouth still hung open slightly, breathing coming out in short gasps, “Haru…” Makoto’s voice was barely above a whisper but it easily calmed his beating heart practically hammering against his chest so loud he could feel it in his ears. Makoto moved his hands from Haru’s hair to his lips, thumb sliding across his bottom lip wiping away- _Oh,_ Haru was quick to sit up then, running the back of his hand over his mouth _._

Makoto slowly sat up with him and pulled him in to a kiss, it was gentle, warm, nothing too forceful and it caused Haru to melt in to him. His arms snaked behind his neck as Makoto’s own wrapped around his back.

It was strange for Haru to be leaning down in to the kiss like this, but he still sat on his knees between Makoto’s legs pulling him in closer, hands entangled in his hair now as the kiss became deeper, more desperate. And Haru’s pants were still very much on and becoming more uncomfortable as the kiss went on and so, reluctantly he pulled away to catch his breath.

Makoto wasn’t quite as eager for the kiss to end, he began trailing small kisses from the corner of Haru’s lips, across his chin, his throat, down his collar bone and Haru couldn’t help but arch his back, his body naturally giving in as Makoto worked his way across Haru’s chest.

When Makoto moved his arms from Haru’s back, lightly stroking across his hips and settled at the front of his pants, Haru was left to keep himself balanced, his grip tightening around Makoto’s neck. Makoto was being slow, frustratingly slow as he loosened the button and pulled the zip down, his lips still leaving small kisses on Haru’s chest.

Makoto’s name fell from Haru’s lips in a near sob when warm fingers slipped in to the waistband of his pants and boxers, pulling both down just enough that Haru’s cock was released to the cool air and all too quickly Makoto took him in his hands, thumbing the head before stroking his length. He wasted no time and picked up a steady, fast rhythm, and Haru could feel himself growing harder in his hand, he was close and Makoto had barely touched him.

Haru’s grip on Makoto was becoming stronger, both hands held on to Makoto’s shoulders and he knew his nails were scraping too hard but when Makoto decided it was a good idea to focus his attention on one of Haru’s nipples with his mouth, he couldn’t stop himself. The occasional tightness of Makoto’s hand on his cock, the scrape of teeth against his nipple before the other boy bit down _just right_ , were pretty clear indicators that Haru was hurting him but then Makoto would moan against his chest and Haru’s breath would hitch in his throat because he realised it was ok and so he didn’t stop, he couldn’t.

The room was filled with quiet moans and the sound of Makoto fisting his cock, that slick wet sound that sent a heaviness and a heat to the pit of his stomach and he was so close so- “Makoto, that’s enough that’s enough, please…” Haru’s voice broke on his last word but he needed to breathe, this was too much.

To his surprise Makoto did stop, the hand on his cock slowing before pulling away completely and then they were kissing again, hot and heavy, messy because they never took the chance to breathe and all Haru could do was sigh into Makoto’s mouth as their tongues met and his body practically collapsed into Makoto’s who seemed prepared for it as he slowly pulled them back on to the bed before rolling them over so he was leaning over Haru, flushed and breathless.

Makoto smiled down at Haru, that usual gentle smile that seemed completely inappropriate at this moment considering their current position but it caused butterflies in his stomach, in his chest and for a moment all of this felt so right. It felt right being wrapped up in Makoto, the feel of Makoto’s lips on his own, his hands running through Makoto’s hair, it wasn’t right…it wasn’t supposed to be but Makoto was warmth and comfort, he was-

“Ah! Makoto-” he was still _very_ hard and needing, hands that were gently stroking Haru’s face were suddenly rough on his hips as he brought their hips together and then took both of their cocks in his hand, stroking them off with one much too skilful hand.

Makoto sighed Haru’s name in to his mouth before kissing him in something that was more moans than anything with effort, it was just the feeling of their lips, being able to taste his name and not just hear it that was bringing Haru closer and the way his name caught in the back of Makoto’s throat and his more frantic movements showed he was close too.

Haru brought Makoto in closer in a weak attempt to put some effort in to the kiss but then Haru was coming, his eyes wide as he arched in to Makoto’s touch  coming completely undone in his hand. His heels dug into the bed and his grip on Makoto’s hair tightened who came moments after with a cry of Haru’s name.

Makoto collapsed on top of Haru, both of them trying to get their breathing back on track, after a few moments Makoto moved away grabbing tissues from the bedside table quickly wiping his stomach and doing the same with Haru who watched his every move. He then made to pull his pants down leaving just his boxers on waiting for Haru to do the same, and he did, reluctantly, groaning just a bit before throwing his pants on to the floor and rolling over to make room for Makoto.

He climbed in to the bed beside him and pulled the covers over them both, his arm sliding under Haru’s head pulling him in closer till Haru’s back was pressed against his chest. It didn’t take long for Haru to fall asleep.

* * *

It was still early when Haru felt the bed shift from what he assumed was Makoto getting up, it took him nearly 5 minutes of simply lying there with his eyes closed before he decided to check his suspicions which were correct. He rolled over to reach out for his phone on the night stand to check the time and was surprised to see it was just after 8am, still too early, he could sleep longer.

The next time Haru woke up it was because of quiet voices from the TV at 10:37am, Makoto was sitting at the end of Haru’s bed watching one of those morning talk shows in just a pair of sweat pants, his hair messy from having dried naturally after his shower. He didn’t notice Haru wake up so Haru decided to go back to sleep.

The last time Haru woke up was because of the door shutting and the sound of plastic bags at 12:13pm. This time Makoto did notice him wake up and was quick to apologise explaining that he had went out to get something to eat for them, shaking the plastic bag in front of his face as proof before walking towards the bed with 2 cups of coffee in hand

Haru was quick to accept the coffee, sitting up in bed appreciating the warmth between his hands but something still felt off. Something felt different but what? Makoto sat at the edge of the bed, holding his coffee with both hands, looking across at Haru who tried to ignore the feeling but couldn’t ignore the look Makoto was giving him. When he looked up at Makoto he quickly looked away.

“Makoto?”

Makoto sighed before speaking. “Haru… What is this? I…I mean…what are we?”

Haru looked confused for a second because he hadn’t actually been expecting that and if he were being honest he didn’t know how to answer it. So he answered as best as he could, answered with the only thing he knew they were, “We’re best friends…aren’t we?”

Makoto looked down into his coffee again, “Yeah, of course!” He looked up at Haru with a smile and it was that smile Haru remembered from a few days ago, the one he wore 2 days after they first slept together, that one that wasn’t his real smile.

Haru smiled back at him, biting back that heavy feeling in his chest, “I’m going to go shower” a shower, water always helped.  And for the second time since all this happened, the water didn’t help. This wasn’t something the water was going to fix.

* * *

The whole group spent their last day doing some sightseeing, shopping and having lunch at a small café. Jokes were shared and conversations kept going strong which certainly wasn’t difficult with Nagisa and Rin around. Haru would talk to Makoto as much as possible and they would smile and it all _looked_ normal but it certainly didn’t feel that way.

That night when they were back at the hotel they slept alone, and he barely even slept so that loneliness only felt worse. This was bad, this was terrible and now Haru had no idea how to fix it, how to make it ok.

The next morning they both packed in near silence and were ready to leave by early afternoon. When Makoto was ready and noticed that Haru also had his bags packed too he began making his way towards the door but Haru wasn’t really done, he wasn’t ready to leave yet. He was packed but he needed to say more and he knew as soon as they left this hotel room the chance to really talk about this was going to leave with them.

It was an impulse, something even he felt was quite out there for him but in seconds he was up on his feet making his way towards Makoto who turned round for just a second to see if Haru was ready, but then Haru was on him, Haru’s lips against his own pushing him back towards the door with a loud thud. Makoto wasted no time and deepened the kiss, the bag falling from his grip as his hands moved along from Haru’s waist to his ass, gripping tightly and pulling him in closer.

When Haru pulled away from the kiss Makoto sighed, Haru’s name coming out in heavy pants as he questioned him with just a look.

Haru didn’t really know how to say it but he wanted more, he didn’t want this to stop with Makoto but then he didn’t want this to ruin a friendship either. “Makoto I want…I want to be your friend.” Makoto’s expression hurt him but it changed in a split second, his eyebrows knotting together as he waited for him to continue, “I want to be your friend but I want to keep doing these things. I want to still kiss you and sleep with you. I don’t know what that means and it’s probably selfish to ask for these things but-”

His whole train of thought was thrown off when Makoto rested their foreheads together, his hand holding him behind his neck, the silence between them long and intense but then his real smile returned to his face, “Mmmh, we can keep doing this, I don’t mind…if that’s what you want.”

“Y-Yeah” and he was blushing again, that weight he’d felt in his chest since yesterday easing and he wondered, just what the hell was Makoto doing to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for such a long update! Both me and my sister had been putting this off for too long so I hope if you've been following this you at least remember what has been going on lol  
> Anyway thank you so much for reading ^^


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t have to talk about it you know…but maybe it’s best if you do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of Makoto's pov this time.

It had been nearly 2 weeks since they returned from their break in the city and already Haru and Makoto had fallen in to a habit. A bad one.

It always started out the same, Makoto would come over to visit and they would do the usual almost mundane things, watch TV, eat dinner, maybe play some video games and then it was a longing look or a touch that lingered just a little longer than normal before they wound up in bed together.

This night was no different. It was 1am and Haru was on his knees, face down in the bed as Makoto  eased himself inside from behind, quickly picking up a steady rhythm of in and out, pushing Haru further into the bed with each snap of his hips.

His hands and mouth were skilled now when they touched Haru’s body, he knew there was a particular place on the back of Haru’s neck that when he kissed had him whimpering, almost embarrassingly but it felt so good he could forgive it.

Makoto’s little discovery had happened a few days after they got back when what started out as a simple kiss soon found Haru pinned beneath him as Makoto kissed and touched nearly every inch of his body. This quickly turned in to a blowjob on the floor and Haru bent over the back of the sofa.

Haru liked it from behind, he’d realised, he could hide his face better that way. The only downside being that he couldn’t see Makoto’s face and his face alone when he came was enough to make Haru come completely undone.

But of course that wasn’t going to be his undoing this time because soon he was being pulled up by his wrist, his back flush against Makoto’s chest and then his lips found that spot that made Haru moan, made him gasp as Makoto took his hard cock in to his hand stroking him roughly until he came with a harsh cry of the other man’s name.

Reeling from his high he was able to collapse face first back onto the bed, whining quietly as Makoto came shortly after. A bad habit, he had to remind himself.

It was all becoming a sort of routine for them, some days they would wake up together but not too often, Makoto didn’t always spend the night for some reason, perhaps he still wanted space after the things they do to each other but Haru was not one to question it. Today, however, was one particular day when Makoto had decided to stay over. Waking up together was kind of strange but also amazing, spending all night cuddled into each other was certainly an incredible way to wake up.

After spending most of the morning cuddled in bed Haru decided it was time to get up and make breakfast. Makoto sat at the kitchen table watching Haru silently. It seemed like forever that he sat in silence before he finally spoke.

“I need to go in to the city on Thursday to register for my new classes” Makoto had said, setting his cup of coffee down on the table before continuing, “I’m just going to stay overnight so I will be back on Friday”

“Oh?” Haru had tried his best to sound disinterested even though something in the back of his mind was screaming at him and the one thought he could always pick out was _‘and who will you be staying with?’_

He turned to face Makoto then, hoping his eyes didn’t betray him by telling Makoto exactly what he was thinking. But of course they had, they always did with Makoto who looked at him for a few moments before looking away again quickly, fingers tapping on the table nervously.

“My friend…I’ll be staying with my friend.”

Haru’s expressions quickly set in to a glare before turning away to get his coffee “I didn’t ask.”

The other boy laughed nervously under his breath, one hand moving to scratch the side of his face as he spoke quietly, “No, I guess you didn’t.”

And the morning continued on like that, with awkward silence and small talk met with short responses until Makoto left to head back to his own house and Haru was left to his own devices for the rest of his day.

That was the last time Haru had seen Makoto until he was to head to the city for University registration. Haru understood of course, Makoto was busy and had his own things to do but for some reason his house felt a little bit emptier without Makoto there at nights, his bed felt a little colder without him there in the mornings. He was missing him.

 

* * *

**_Makoto_ **

For about the 10th time in the last 3 minutes Makoto looked up at the clock in the train station; 7:54, his train would be here in 6 minutes and Haru still hadn’t got here. When he’d called last night to remind Haru that he was leaving in the morning Haru was keen to know when his train was to arrive because he wanted to see him off, Makoto’s heart leapt at his words but he bit his tongue so that strange wave of happiness didn’t spill out, Haru didn’t need to know that.

It had been 3 days now since Makoto had seen Haru and even then the last time he’d seen him had been awkward, to say the least, so maybe he wouldn’t come to see him after all.

“Makoto”, Haru’s quiet, almost breathless voice rang through him like alarms and he couldn’t stop the smile that quickly found its way to his face.

“You made it…”, his words came out as more of a sigh than anything else, clear relief tinting his voice as Haru whispered a quiet ‘sorry’ under his breath.

Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, Haru just stood leaning against the wall next to Makoto as he glanced up at the clock; 3 minutes left. He wanted to say something, say anything, but words seemed to fail him as they always did lately.

One more quick glance to the clock; 1 minute. He was ready to start saying his goodbye, willing himself to at least say something before the train arrived but then he felt soft fingers lace between his own, Haru’s thumb rubbing small circles on the back of his hand and the air was knocked out of him.

“Makoto, good luck”, and as quickly as he’d taken Makoto’s hand Haru let go and pushed himself up from the wall as the train pulled in to the station. Makoto could only nod in reply before picking up his bag and walking towards the carriage doors. He turned back before stepping on to the train, finally getting his chance to say bye to Haru who waved in reply.

Makoto couldn’t stop the smile that seemed almost permanently plastered on his face now, relief washed over him because things weren’t going to stay awkward. Even though it had been a few days since they had seen each other Haru was still Haru.

\--

Registration had lasted longer than he had expected, by the time he had got to the University it was already nearing 10am and he was finally stepping off the grounds at 4pm, he was thankful he didn’t have to travel back home tonight because all he wanted now was a comfy seat and some decent food which his friend had already teased him with earlier with a rather cryptic text along with a picture of a few bottles of beer.

Makoto sighed before quickly texting back,

_‘Can’t wait! See you soon.’_

After everything that had been happening lately he felt he needed this break, but more importantly he felt he needed this break from _Haru_. Since all of this happened nearly every thought that crossed his mind was in some way related to him, every mood Haru showed played a part in how his own day was going to go, how his own mood was.  

He felt like he was 17 again and that…that was a tough time for him. He shook his head to try and rid his thoughts and hoped for at least one night where Haru wasn’t at the forefront of his mind.

It was only a short walk to his friends house so he got there within 15 minutes and was already knocking on his door, his stomach rumbling a little because he could already taste the food and he was honestly _starving_.

The door in front of him flew open and he was greeted with a huge grin that suddenly got closer when the other mans arms quickly wrapped around his neck bringing him in to a rather awkward hug.

“Makotoooo~” his voice came out like a song and Makoto couldn’t help but laugh, his own arms wrapping around the other mans back, patting lightly.

“Come on Kisumi, let me breathe”, he choked out, a little overdramatically of course, but enough to get his point across.

“Come in come in” Kisumi walked back in to his apartment and made his way towards the kitchen. Makoto kicked his shoes off and set his bag down making his way in to the sitting room, it had been a while since he’d been here but it still felt the same. “You hungry?”

“Starving.”

Kisumi just laughed from the kitchen while Makoto threw himself down on to the sofa, shutting his eyes for a moment listening as cutlery and plates were moved around in the other room, “Do you need any help?”

Kisumi laughed again, “No I’m good, dinner will be out in a second”

A sigh fell from Makoto’s lips because this felt nice, being with Kisumi always did feel nice if he were being honest. With Kisumi he didn’t have to worry about saying something that could ruin what they had built up, he didn’t have to worry about some overwhelming need to just spill everything he felt and thought about him because they knew where they stood.

Sometimes he really did think it was unfortunate that things with Kisumi never went beyond just sleeping with each other, but then his thoughts were suddenly filled with the man his thoughts always turned to, the one with eyes so beautifully hypnotising he felt he could get lost in them for days if it were possible. The one whose mere touch was enough to send a burning heat through his entire body, the one who had stopped him from being able to see anyone else in the same light he saw him.

To Makoto, Haru was-

“Dinner!” Kisumi slammed the plate down in front of Makoto dragging him completely away from his thoughts and to the plate of food in front of him; green curry. His entire face lit up before he looked up at Kisumi who wore a much too proud smirk on his face, “I know…no need to thank me”

“This looks amazing Kisumi, thank you for the meal”

\--

By about 10:30pm both boys sat on the sofa watching a stand up comedy show, Kisumi was very much enjoying himself and couldn’t stop laughing but Makoto realised he was out of beer so got up to get another taking note of how much Kisumi had left too reminding himself to get 2 from the fridge. He was just about to open the second bottle when he heard Kisumi’s voice from the sitting room, “Oh yeah, how is Haru?”

Makoto froze in place because Haru wasn’t really a topic he wanted to bring up right now and so with a shaky voice he replied as confidently as he could manage, “Yeah he’s good.”

“Oh? And you two are doing ok?” That took Makoto by surprise, did Kisumi know something?

Makoto peeked his head around the side of the wall to look at Kisumi who stared back at him, his expression suddenly serious. Makoto wasn’t sure now whether he wanted to continue this conversation but then again he had to know…just what was Kisumi implying? “What do you mean?”

“You haven’t said anything about him since you got here, usually he is somehow brought up in a couple of conversations by now.”

Shit.

“A-ah yeah we’re fine.” Makoto quickly went back in to the kitchen, his hands shaking as he attempted to open the other beer bottle. He had to stop before he ended up saying anything more.

He didn’t even notice Kisumi had moved until his voice was suddenly very close, “You’re lying”

So he was being obvious, great. But then the thought hit him that maybe he should talk about it, maybe he should tell someone what is happening because if he lets it all boil up he could end up saying all this to Haru…Haru didn’t need to know.

Makoto took a deep breath, already beginning to regret this decision, “We’ve been sleeping together.”

“Wait, what? That’s great!” Kisumi was near bouncing on the spot in front of Makoto who quickly turned to look away, Kisumi stopped moving and the smile on his face dropped, “That is great…right? I mean you alwa-”

“Kisumi” Makoto cut him off and then immediately regret it, this was his fault for bringing it up really, “S-sorry I didn’t mean to…I shouldn’t have…”

Kisumi shook his head and smiled at Makoto in that knowing way, that way that said _‘it’s fine, I understand; don’t apologise’_ but Makoto realised he probably should talk about it. He wasn’t exactly able to talk about it with Haru and Kisumi always did listen when it came to Haru, even if he did tease him about it.

“It’s complicated” he explained and Kisumi nodded his head towards the sofa inviting Makoto to at least sit down and get comfortable before continuing.

Once both were seated the nerves hit Makoto like a truck because he knew this conversation was going to drag up old unnecessary feelings that he would rather forget, then again his current ‘relationship’ was making that near impossible.

He could already feel the words sitting on the tip of his tongue but those nerves built up a barricade, holding them back, keeping them from spilling over because it was his only means of protecting himself. Honestly he didn’t want to admit to it, he didn’t want to hear the words out loud because that made them _real_ and this was not what he wanted he didn’t-

“Makoto” he hadn’t realised how deep he had dug his nails in to his skin until Kisumi pried his hands apart, little crescent moon marks left across the back of his hand, “You don’t have to talk about it you know…but maybe it’s best if you do.”

He knew it was best, he wanted to just talk about it all rationally and sort it out but then he was up off the sofa, rubbing a hand across his face because this was a hell of a lot more difficult than it needed to be, “He’s my best friend. He’s my _best friend_ , and for as long as I can remember that had always been normal. And at times I never understood how he put up with me, I never understood how I put up with _him_ but at the end of the day he was always there, he was my constant…my best friend.”

Makoto could feel it all building up, could feel it come from the tip of his toes pushing and pulling at his chest, his heart beating so loud it almost screamed over the sound of his own voice and the shouting in his head telling him to _stop_. “Then of course High School happens, everything changes doesn’t it? I could feel the way I looked at him starting to change and it annoyed me but I mean I was just getting older right? Just maturing and appreciating him more…”

He took a second to finally breathe, his words crashing through that barricade preparing to leave a mess in their wake and with one last shaky breath he continued, fists gripping at hem of his shirt, “The way he looked at me started to change, I don’t think he even noticed it but I did. Of course I did because I was always _looking_ and those looks, every time I caught them I tried my best to ignore them but they made my chest tighten and my face heat up and I hated it. For Haru it wasn’t anything special though it was just him finally letting himself relax, to smile more and be himself and I love- no I-I…liked them. I liked him.”

Kisumi stood up from the sofa and slowly made his way towards Makoto, resting a hand on his forearm, rubbing slowly, urging him to continue because he really did need this, he needed to say all this, “It’s normal though to develop some kind of crush on a friend, especially when you’ve known each other as long as we have so it was bearable I could still just get on with it and not worry about it but now? It’s like all those stupid things I thought at 16 and 17 are finally able to happen and then I feel I’m taking advantage of him”

“Woah no, you’re not taking advantage of him!” Kisumi’s soft touch on Makoto’s arm suddenly tightened, pulling Makoto towards him just slightly who was quick to pull back.

“Aren’t I though? He hadn’t even slept with anyone Kisumi and here we are sleeping together and him just thinking it’s all ok and we’re ‘best friends’. No, that’s wrong, I shouldn’t be encouraging that.”, Makoto’s heart sank when he finally locked eyes with Kisumi, he looked so heartbroken. Not because of Makoto but heartbroken _for_ Makoto.

“You still love him.” It wasn’t a question, just Kisumi saying it exactly how it is. Hearing it out loud like that only made the feeling worse, he found comfort again in looking away, looking at anything but that face Kisumi was giving him.

And so they stood there, for what felt like hours as Makoto continued to stare at the floor, to sort out his thoughts and most of all his feelings but only one thing kept hammering against his skull, one truth that he had tried to avoid for the past 3 years and more so these past few weeks, “I do, I never stopped.”

Kisumi sighed before bringing both hands up to Makoto’s face, leaning towards him until their foreheads touched, a small smile on his face, “Then you need to stop doing this, you need to tell him how you feel and try and change what it is you guys currently have in to what it is you both _need_.”

“I can’t just suddenly tell him I love him, it doesn’t work like that”

“Then…take it slow, try and date, don’t just sleep with him. Act more like a couple you know?”

Makoto looked at Kisumi, his voice almost pleading, “How?”

* * *

  ** _Haru_**

 **** Makoto was home. A strange excitement filled Haru unlike he expected when he had received Makoto’s text this morning, telling him he would drop by and visit him about dinner time. He was due here any minute and for some reason Haru could almost feel butterflies in his stomach, **_enough,_** that wasn’t normal.

A knock at the door announced Makoto’s arrival so Haru went to let him in, he was greeted with a small smile, but it wasn’t his usual one.

“Makoto! How did it all go?” Haru asked quickly.

Makoto shrugged “Fine” his reply was almost disinterested which struck Haru as odd, had something happened?

He stepped into the house past Haru and stood in the centre of the room, almost pacing and looking rather uncomfortable.

“Is everything ok? You don’t seem like yourself today.” Haru asked.

“It…It’s fine…I was just thinking we could go out you know…do something interesting tonight…just for a change…just the two of us?”

Haru was a little shocked at Makoto’s sudden nervousness about asking him to go do something with him, but he seen no reason to refuse. Maybe he could figure out what was going on.

“Sure, that sounds fine”

It was the movies first, just the two of them going to see the latest action movie. Then Makoto invited him out for dinner, somewhere quiet which gave them the chance to really talk, not like they spoke about anything important just idle chat. After that it was lunch in a small café before spending the day at the park and each time Makoto would walk Haru to his door and go to lean in but not quite. He would stand there nervously with his hands either in his pockets or fiddling about in front of him. When Haru invited him in Makoto would blush and say ‘maybe next time’ before running off, with a wave, back to his own house. It took him a few days but Haru slowly realised what was going on.

“I think we’re dating”

“What?” Rin stopped searching through his bag for his goggles for a moment, staring at Haru with an extremely confused expression.

“Makoto. Me and Makoto.” Haru looked up at Rin then, who’s expression slowly changed from confused to even more confused as he leaned towards Haru.

“I’m sorry, say that again?”

“I said that me and Makoto have been going out…a lot and I think we’re dating.” Rin pulled back now, hand rubbing the back of his neck, his eyes not once leaving Haru’s face who stood there completely straight faced. Maybe Rin wasn’t the best person to talk about this with but Nagisa would have been so much worse.

“Ok so I mean yeah they do sound like dates but this is you and Makoto, don’t you guys do this a lot?”

“We’ve been sleeping together” And then Rin was choking on his own saliva, coughing to try and clear his throat because he obviously didn’t expect that, “Guess I didn’t tell you that part”

“No you didn’t fucking tell me that, what the hell? When did that start?”

When…?, “Uh at the party a few weeks ago…but it’s happened again since then.” Somehow it felt longer.

“Well shit…” Swimming was completely forgotten about now as Rin sat on the bench looking like he was contemplating the meaning of life for a while, “I can’t say I’m surprised but-”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Can’t say he was surprised? What, had he expected this?

Rin laughed and Haru felt himself blush, no way was he just about to tell him that they’d been obvious or something and he’d been the only idiot not able to see it, “It’s just, how do I put this?” And Haru wasn’t sure now if he wanted to hear it,“You two are Haru and Makoto. It’s hard to imagine you without each other. So I guess this seems like a natural next step. I mean as an outsider of course, you just build this little world up together and you have since you were kids.”

Haru had to look away because Rin wore such a fond expression, one that seemed far too happy about finding out 2 of his best friends were fucking, “You really were always a weird romantic”

And he laughed again, standing up to punch Haru’s shoulder, “Hey don’t be so embarrassed-”

“I’m not embarrassed.”

“You are so, you can’t even look at me. This could be a good thing…does he make you happy?” Rin asked, his tone suddenly serious.

That was a question that brought Haru’s attention back to Rin. Happy? Well of course he makes him happy, this was Makoto. Simply being around Makoto made him happy. Makoto getting excited over a TV show, the way he would get flustered; almost embarrassed when Haru would strip in public, his laugh when Nagisa or Rei did something stupid. Makoto laughing, even that alone was enough to make him happy. The way he would say Haru’s name, and more recently the feeling of Makoto’s lips on his own…he made him “Warm, he makes me feel warm.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Sorry it seems like a sort of random place to finish the chapter but I hope it's obvious how Haru and his feelings are slooowly changing? I really hope this isn't all being rushed but I can see this having maybe 2-3 more chapters left. Thank you for sticking with this if you have, especially considering how long we take to update. Anyway I will hope for a next chapter to not take anywhere near as long as this one has!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tell me…Tell me what you want from me. Oh how I wish this was something I was able to figure out just from looking at you!

Haru had managed to get out of work a little earlier than usual today and made it home an hour earlier than normal. Not that he was complaining of course, it just meant he had more time to get ready for his…date.

He stopped fixing his hair in the mirror for a moment, realising that yeah, this really was a date whether Makoto wanted to say it was or not. Of course he never worded it like that but just asked him to go out. It had been 3 weeks since Makoto got back from the city and started this ‘dating’ thing, 3 weeks since he’d touched Haru.

Haru wouldn’t normally admit to this kind of thing, especially to Makoto, but he’d missed his touch, he’d missed the way Makoto would say his name, the feel of his warm hands on his body, that little smile that graced his lips just before he kissed him for the first time in the night. He missed the warmth of Makoto’s body as he woke up in the morning and being greeted by Makoto’s sleeping face when he awoke was certainly something he could get used to.

But Haru had already realised that being with Makoto even without touching him was enough, these little dates and seeing Makoto acting more relaxed and at ease, he made Haru relax and more often he found himself smiling at the simplest of things but with Makoto it was easy.

He was pulled from his thoughts by a quiet knock on the door, he quickly glanced up at the clock and realised he’d been getting lost in his own thoughts for nearly 2 hours now but at least he was ready and that knock only signified the arrival of Makoto.

“Haru, are you ready?” Haru nodded, stepping out of the house before locking up as they both made their way to their next ‘date’.

* * *

 

It was a quiet little restaurant that Makoto had chosen this time, despite the town feeling so small he had never been to this place before but it was nice. Conversation flowed easily enough, it was as if they were actually on a successful date. Haru found himself really deep in thought a lot on this date, more than usual. Maybe because it felt so good and real. This made him happy. Makoto makes him happy. What did that mean? Haru and Makoto managed to keep the conversation going steady all through dinner, it wasn’t at all uncomfortable, it was nice to say the least.

After they had finished eating their meal they again just talked.

“Did you enjoy your food?” asked Makoto.

“Yeah, it was good…did you enjoy yours?”

Makoto smiled softly. “I’m having a really good time tonight…with you.”

Haru suddenly became nervous, his face flushing a deep red. He had nothing to say to that. Of course he felt the same, how could he not? Instead of saying anything he stupidly nodded in agreement.

After leaving the restaurant Makoto walked Haru back to his house, talking along the way about anything and everything. As they reached the house, something changed in them both.

Makoto had been ready to leave at his usual spot, a quiet and quick goodbye at Haru’s door before heading back to his own house but Haru didn’t want it to end here; not tonight, so with a strange surge in confidence he moved forward, his hands reaching out for the front of Makoto’s shirt as he pulled him towards him, their lips meeting and instantly Haru melted in to him.

Haru moved his arms from Makoto’s shirt and wrapped them around his back, Makoto finally reciprocating, his hands moving to Haru’s head, fingers sliding through dark hair before pulling away from the kiss, his thumb moving to gently caress Haru’s cheek.

“Do you want to come in?”, Haru’s voice was quiet, just barely above a whisper.

“Mmh.”

Haru led Makoto in to the house, his nerves increasing tenfold like some lovesick teenager inviting their ‘boyfriend’ home for the first time. Makoto pushed the door shut with a quiet click and stood there quietly, as if getting his bearings for a moment and like this really was the first time he had been in Haru’s home.

“Makoto…” Haru turned and took a small step towards him before reaching out, his hands immediately running through Makoto’s hair and pulling him down just close enough that their lips barely touched. Makoto sighed before closing the distance between them, his hands moving to Haru’s back then down to his hips. What started out as something soft soon turned heated, more desperate as Haru pulled harder at Makoto’s hair, pulling away from the kiss for just a second as his back met the wall beside them; Makoto’s knee slipping between his legs and pushing him further back.

Haru pulled away from the kiss one more time, his words sticking in his throat before he forced them out with a shaky voice, “I want you…”

The blush on Makoto’s face deepened, his body burning to the very tips of his fingers, the fingers that were subconsciously playing with the belt on Haru’s pants, “T-then I should shower first”, his eyes locked on with Haru’s making sure this was definitely what he wanted. Haru replied with a small nod so with a quick kiss on Haru’s head Makoto fled to the bathroom.

Haru slid to the floor breathing heavily, still reeling from what had just happened, his thoughts turning to what was _about_ to happen. He missed this kind of contact with Makoto, in fact he just plain missed him at times. Thinking about all the things they have done together lately made him smile. Makoto really does make him happy. Stupidly happy. The thought of not seeing him again made him feel sick to his stomach. Suddenly a noise breaks his tension… _Makoto’s phone._

Haru quickly stood up from the floor making his way in to the sitting room, spotting Makoto’s phone on the table, “must have left it here before going for his shower”, he didn’t even look at the name before answering.

“Huh? Haru? Is that you? Hi!” _Ah…Kisumi_

“Yeah it is, how are you?”, only common courtesy to at least try and sound interested.

“I’m good thanks, and you?” trivial conversation really so Haru replied the same way as Kisumi waiting for him to continue, “That’s good, so is Makoto there?”

“Yeah but he’s in the shower I’m sure he won’t be long so you can call back”

“Oh there’s no need! Just pass a message to him for me will you?” Nothing wrong with taking a message, couldn’t be that important then. “Could you tell him that some mail came for him? I’m guessing it’s just from the University and he obviously hadn’t changed his address from last year when he stayed a lot, but just let him know it’s here if he wants to come pick it up. Although I’m sure he would be paying a visit soon anyway but just so he knows. Oh listen I have to go, was nice talking to you! Bye bye!” _click-_

_“It was with my friend in the city, it started off as some fun and simple curiosity and after a while it became a bit of a habit I guess. We got a bit drunk one night, we were feeling lonely and so we slept together.”_

_“Don_ _’t worry about it, we stopped doing that now.”_

Kisumi. He’s the one Makoto has been sleeping with?  No… _had_ been they don’t do that anymore, right?

“Haru?” Makoto’s voice cut through Haru’s thoughts and dragged all his attention to him. Makoto stood in the doorway, bare chest with a pair of tight fitting grey sweats on; the ones he left here when he stayed, his body still damp from his shower. He rubbed the towel on his head over his hair walking towards Haru, leaving wet foot prints in his carpet. Then again Haru didn’t care about that, his eyes didn’t dare leave Makoto’s face even when the other boy looked away to his phone in Haru’s hand, reaching out to take it from him and checking through it.

“Kisumi called.” That brought Makoto’s eyes back to his, “Some mail came for you, but he’s sure you’ll be going to visit soon.” Haru watched as everything pieced together in Makoto’s mind, he could already hear what Makoto was going to say next before it even left his lips but just when he’d opened them to speak he stopped.

And so they stood there staring at each other, Makoto’s face clouded over with guilt and Haru realised he couldn’t see himself in Makoto’s eyes anymore. Makoto was the first to look away, looking to the floor in hopes of finding his voice again and Haru was annoyed, annoyed at the fact Makoto couldn’t even say anything to him but what pissed him off more was that he was feeling jealous. Of course it was Kisumi, it was _always_ Kisumi who somehow wiggled his way in to Makoto’s life and it’s not that he _hated_ Kisumi he just disliked the way Kisumi got involved.

Haru would never admit he was jealous but this definitely wasn’t the first time he’d felt that bubbling frustration rise from his stomach only this time it was worse because Makoto couldn’t deny that he’d been involved with him. So maybe Haru was still a bit childish or maybe he was just sick of the deafening silence in the room but the overwhelming thoughts in his head, whichever it was it drove him forward, urged him to pull Makoto towards him swallowing the gasp of surprise when their lips met.

And then all thoughts went out the window as Makoto pulled Haru closer to him, letting out a near growl from the back of his throat as Haru’s fingers slipped through his hair, grip tightening as he pulled him impossibly closer until he couldn’t distinguish who’s heat was who’s.

Makoto’s hands made quick work of Haru’s shirt removing it at a speed only Haru could compete with, slipping it off his shoulders and letting it fall carelessly to the ground and then Haru was being pushed by the shoulders, his back hitting the wall behind him as Makoto pushed their hips together, the heat from Makoto’s crotch sending a spark through Haru’s entire body.

Their lips were fused together as if they were made to be locked together. It was the most natural thing in the world to Haru. He always got lost in Makoto’s kiss. Makoto moaned and Haru wiggled more against his crotch making the kiss become more frantic and desperate. Haru began tracing kisses down Makoto’s neck, seemingly pushing him over the edge.

Makoto pulled away from him quickly going to the small backpack he always left here with a change of clothes, fishing through it for something, honestly Haru didn’t really care, he stood barely leaning against the wall, desperate to catch his breath sighing loudly when Makoto returned with a small bottle in his hands, “Are you serious?”

And again, something stupid like this is what made Makoto blush, “I made it a habit to keep it in my bag if I came to visit you…”, well Haru couldn’t exactly complain. Makoto moved in to kiss him once more; quick but pleading before he dropped to his knees, fingers slipping in to the waistband of Haru’s pants and boxers, pulling them down just enough to free his cock and upper things to Makoto’s touch.

Haru’s hands went straight to Makoto’s hair, his fingers sliding through olive brown strands, gently gripping when Makoto began placing light kisses along his hip bone, biting softly at the top of his thigh and his hands worked their way around his hips to his butt cheeks.

One small squeeze and he was suddenly reaching to the floor for the small bottle of lube he’d dropped at Haru’s feet. Popping the cap open he coated his fingers just enough before bringing his hand back to Haru’s ass, slowly slipping one finger inside. Haru gasped, throwing his head back against the wall, not enough to hurt but enough to take the pain away from the rather intrusive finger stretching him.

His fingers gripped harder in Makoto’s hair when he took Haru’s cock in to his mouth, adding a second finger in with the other, scissoring them inside him, his mouth licking and sucking on his length in time with his fingers thrusting in and out of him, “Makoto…”

When he looked down his eyes immediately locked on with piercing green, Makoto was beautiful like this, eyes dark with lust and light pink dusting his cheeks but then something stabbed at Haru’s chest, his thoughts turning somewhere he really didn’t want them to go. A weight pulled at his stomach when he realised Kisumi had seen him like this…did he do this with Kisumi too?

“Mako…to” No, this wasn’t enough, he needed to feel him and rid this sickly feeling in his stomach. With much internal cursing at himself he pulled at Makoto’s hair, prying him off his cock and winced slightly as Makoto removed his fingers. And then he pulled him up, pulled him close enough that their breaths merged, their noses rubbed together, and he spoke, just barely above a whisper, “I want you inside me”

Makoto nodded slowly, which only made Haru nod in reply too, both confirming that they definitely wanted this and then Makoto was back on his knees, pulling Haru’s pants down the rest of the way, Haru helping by lifting his feet and leaving himself completely bare to a still semi clothed Makoto.

When Makoto stood back up, his hands made quick work of his sweats, pulling them down just past his cock before squirting some lube on to his hand, slicking his cock. With shaky hands he grabbed at Haru’s thighs wrapping his legs around his waist and pushed him back in to the wall. Haru quickly wrapped his arms around Makoto’s neck and leaned in for a kiss, pulling away when he felt the head of Makoto’s cock against his entrance.

“You’re sure? I didn’t get to prepare you for lo-“

“No it’s fine, it’s fine ju-ah!” the feeling of weightlessness to then being filled to the hilt took his breath away, _it hurt._ Makoto wasted no time, his grip on Haru’s thighs was bruising as he pulled out before slamming forward again, and again, and again. Haru couldn’t even speak anymore, he was going too fast, just when he thought he had caught his breath Makoto thrust in again, this time hitting that bundle of nerves forcing a choked cry from the back of Haru’s throat.

“Ma-ah slow-” his words were cut off by a searing kiss, all life and air forced back to him as Makoto continued his fast pace, but his hands were growing weaker, his knees giving in to the weight of both himself and Haru. Before he even got the chance to say anything, to warn Haru that ‘hey I don’t think my legs will hold out much longer’ he fell to his knees, Haru crying out as it felt like Makoto was impossibly deeper than before, his nails digging in to Makoto’s back.

“Shit…”, both of them stopped moving, Haru’s heart hammering against his chest as his head fell forward, resting on Makoto’s shoulder. _Had Kisumi had Makoto inside him like this too?_

It was such a childish way to think of it but Haru wanted to be the only one to have Makoto like this, it was selfish and dirty but he couldn’t stop that way of thinking. He lifted his head up, leaning forward until their lips met in a kiss more tongue and gasps than anything with real technique or effort.  Makoto slowly shuffled his knees back, pulling both of them with him. He had hoped to flip Haru over and take him there on the floor but Haru had other plans, once far enough back his hands moved to Makoto’s shoulders, pushing him down so he lay flat on the floor.

“Haru?” No…right now Makoto was his, and that was all that mattered. Haru raised his hips slowly and eased himself back down, the feeling of control was intoxicating, and so he tried to do it a little faster the next time, and again. His pace slowly picking up as Makoto watched on mesmerised, his hands gripping at Haru’s hips, watching as Haru continued to impale himself over and over again on his cock.

When Makoto thrust his hips up in time with Haru’s slow grind down he almost seen white, his hands moving from Makoto’s chest to rest at the sides of his head. He stopped moving again in hopes of catching his breath, he could feel as sweat began to form on his brow, dripping down his face and on to Makoto beneath him. His, Makoto was his.

He began to ride him again, harder this time, the sound of skin on skin filled his ears as he slammed down on to Makoto quickly bringing his hips up again, moaning when Makoto snapped his own hips up, meeting Haru’s thrusts with his own.

Soon he lost any kind of rhythm, his hips moving on their own as he called out to Makoto over and over again when he brought one of his hands to Haru’s neglected cock, fisting him in hopes of bringing him to completion.

“That’s it Haru, just like that.” Makoto quickened his strokes; he could feel Haru tighten around him and knew he was close. Seeing Haru like this took Makoto’s breath away as he continued to fuck in to him.

“Makoto is…Makoto he’s ah-!” Haru _was_ close, he could feel his arms growing weaker and his heart pounding deafeningly loud now, this Makoto was his. This hungry, powerful, sexual, _beautiful_ Makoto was his, he couldn’t even stop the words from slipping from his mouth, so lost in his own bliss that he had no idea he’d even said them out loud, “mine…”

And that was all it took for Makoto to come, no warning at all as Haru gasped at the feeling of Makoto releasing inside him and then came with a harsh cry of Makoto’s name, his cum spilling over Makoto’s stomach and chest.

Haru’s arms eventually gave way beneath him, his breath catching in his throat as he fell forward, chest to chest; exhausted, emotionally and physically. Makoto’s grip on Haru’s hip was light, lazy, as he pulled him up to ease himself out, Haru moaning a little at that feeling of emptiness returning.

Makoto took this chance of weakness in Haru to finally roll him over on the floor before moving to stand on shaky legs, his hands making quick work on his sweatpants so he at least looked sort of respectable. He quickly left the room and returned moments later with a damp cloth to clean Haru off who is now standing, slipping his boxers back on. The gesture, one that was so simple yet caring made his chest tighten as he watched Makoto’s hand slowly wipe at his chest.

 “I think we should talk about a few things, one of which being Kisumi.” Makoto’s voice was quiet, but enough to drag Haru’s eyes back to his face.

 “I don’t wanna talk about i-”

Makoto cuts him off “But I need to explain, you have to know that what went on between Kisumi and I-”

Haru suddenly pulled away from Makoto’s touch, his expression set in to a glare, “Stop…I don’t even think I want to hear about you and Kisumi, I don’t even think I care…well of course I care because it’s you, but because it’s you…”

“Because I’m yours?” Makoto asked, stopping Haru in his tracks.

“Wh…what?”

“You said it earlier…when I was inside you, you said ‘mine’. Is that how you see me? Do you feel I’m yours? …Is that how you want me?”

Haru stood stunned. Had he said that? Oh God. He really did say it didn’t he?

“I…I didn’t mean it like that…I mean I…I did mean it like that because you are mine…I mean I want you to be mine…I mean, I don’t even know what I mean!”

“Tell me…Tell me what you want from me. Oh how I wish this was something I was able to figure out just from looking at you! It might come as a shock but I can’t always know what you’re thinking Haru. You need to help me out here!”

Haru could feel himself getting angrier, the frustration rising from the pit of his stomach seething through him as he stuttered his next words, “I’m falling in love with you!”

 

 

 

The silence was deafening…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Depending on the pacing of the next chapter there may be 2 more or just the 1. I hope you are still enjoying this story and see you at the next update :)


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